Chapter 7
The institution of the parent is one of God's ruling authorities on earth. This position has been delegated the right to rule children, and all the power necessary to succeed in training them according to God's plan. However, God placed a responsibility on the parents that oversees their family, which makes them directly accountable to Him. Parents have the right to set their will above that of their children, because God granted them parental authority. In this respect, the children are then expected to follow the commands of the parents. For the same reasons, the parents also have the authority to administer justice and punishment for disobedience, or rewards for conforming to their commands. It is important that children realize that they are to obey both parents. This is clearly stated in Colossians 3:20 "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord (NKJV)." Thus, this indicates that the parents word is law for children.
The boundaries of parental authority are more extensive than that of any other institution, for no other institution has been given this much power. The subjects of other institutions are required to submit to their authorities, but children are commanded to obey their parents. Furthermore, parents not only have the right to rule in all things, but they also have the power to enforce their children's unwilling compliance to their commands. The parents' power over their children is accountable to government, only through God's laws concerning incest, injury, and murder. Parents are directly responsible to God for any misuse of their authority. There is no such thing as "child rights" sanctioned by the word of God.
In the past, some governments had misused authority by undermining parental authority. The governments of such nations as Sparta, Hitler's Germany, and communist Russia have usurped the parents' role. At the present time, parental authority in this country is being undermined through child advocacy agencies, and various other laws.
The Establishment of Parental Law
It is important for parents to train their children to respond to their word as young as possible. One of the reasons for establishing parental control is to protect a child from imminent danger. A young child can get into trouble very easily and quickly. For instance, they could dash into the street, reach out and touch a hot stove, or climb on to a chair before their parents can prevent them from doing those things. Thus, it is important to train a child to respond to the spoken command of the parent. In that way when a parent says "no" the child could be prevented more quickly and easily from danger or even death. It should not be necessary for children to burn their hand badly or receive other injuries to learn the lessons of life. An infant can be taught to respond to the parent's command of "no" at a very early age. In a similar way, the parents use of controlled pain is not cruel, and will not cause the child to fear their parents. The minor discomfort that a child must experience in order to learn to obey their parent's command will save them much more pain in the future.
The commands of "stop" and "come" can be added to the child's vocabulary of obedience words even before they can speak. These words become an external control by which parents can protect the child from danger. The child that learns to respect his parent's word can be directed away from unseen danger through their childhood. When a child learns to obey the commands of "no", "stop", and "come", then they can easily be taught the boundaries of their area of exploration. In addition, they can be taught not to touch such dangerous things as electrical cords, wall sockets, and hot items or fence gates. At this point, it is not necessary that they understand why these things are dangerous, but just that it is wrong and painful to disobey their parents.
Never deal with your child on the basis of their "wants", but instead on what their "needs" require. These simple commands also establish the need for parents to begin teaching parental control when the child is very young. It should also be remembered that every child has a will and strong desires of its own, and both of these are driven by their inherent nature of sin.
A parent occupies a position of authority that is ordained by God. It is sometimes necessary for authorities to utilize force in the proper exercise of their responsibilities. The forces available to parental authorities are chastisement for their children's rebellion, and punishment for their disobedience. Basically, punishment is the administration of justice by an authority for the breaking of an established standard. It should never be confused with chastisement, although such confusion commonly exists. Chastisement is to inflict punishment or suffering upon, with a view to amend the improper behavior, also simply to punish or to inflict punishment, especially corporeal punishment. Chastisement needs to be enforced strictly with boys, because of their aggressive biological behavior. Today, the word "discipline" is frequently used in referring to this type of action. However, discipline can be referred to many types of training other than chastisement, and can have a wide range of meanings, such as to instruct, educate, or train, to chastise, punish, to deal with in an orderly manner. As a noun "discipline" also means instruction imparted to disciples, education, schooling, a branch of instruction or education, instruction having its aim to form the pupil to proper conduct and action, a system of rules for conduct, correction, and chastisement. Therefore, the word "discipline" is a more general term, which could well describe the entire process of child training; whereas, the word "chastisement" is specifically limited to the infliction of pain for correction or restraint. Thus, chastisement should not be used for all types of disobedience, but just to the legitimate physical force that parents are to use in correcting or restraining a child's rebellion. Our modern society has made parents feel guilty about even the legitimate use of force. Many contemporary parents are exceedingly ready to accept the anti-Biblical concepts that under age children have rights of their own, and that chastisement is cruel and unusual treatment.
It should be apparent to anyone who will honestly evaluate the facts, that most children who have been raised without the proper use of chastisement are poorly trained. In general they lack self-discipline, and are self-centered, and disrupt all forms of authority. Many of today's young adults have a vacuum in the place of moral standards. Obviously, parents are doing something wrong.
Throughout recorded history, chastisement through physical pain has been the normal method of control of rebellion in children. This is true, even in cultures that have not been based on the Bible. Most of western civilization is in a decadent stage at the present time, and only a return to God's absolute standards will prevent it from imminent destruction. Much of this modern decay is due to the current worship of reason, and anti-authoritarian philosophies. Parents today are in desperate need of a clear presentation of God's absolutes.
Parents have become disoriented to the truth of what actually is normal. God considers chastisement to be so natural for parents to use, that he uses it for an illustration of the way He deals with rebellious people in His own family. Obviously, God would not use this example if it were not a good one, and meant to be a standard to be followed. This is indicated in 2 Sam 7:14 "I will be his Father, and he shall be My son. If he commits iniquity, I will chasten him with the rod of men and with the blows of the sons of men (NKJV)." There is no mention in the Bible of utilizing any other instrument or the bare hand to whip a child.
Parents that love their Child will Chastise them
Chastisement is actually an expression of parental love. This is illustrated in Hebrews 12:6 "For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.(NKJV)" Thus, God our father cares enough for us to chasten us when we are rebellious. The word "scourge" means to whip or lash with a whip or a small bendable rod. This verse is in direct contrast to the lenient methods that man in his arrogance has attempted to substitute for God's directions on how to raise a family. When men reject God's word as the absolute standard, they always consider their own words and thoughts to be superior to those of God. The word "receives" in this verse means to accept to receive, or to receive along side, or to welcome. When a child's rebellion has been overcome by loving parents using chastisement, then the child can be welcomed back into the family fellowship.
Parents must also use chastisement to restore the break in family fellowship. In rebellion, the child is alienated from the parents, and they can neither bless him nor have fellowship with him. When chastisement is with held, it demonstrates a lack of concern for the child's benefit. Another passage in the Bible indicates the abnormality of a parent that does not chastise their child. This is found in Hebrews 12:7-8 "If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. (NKJV)" These verses indicate that if a child is a true member of the family, it is only natural that his parents would care enough about them to use the physical pain of chastisement in the training process. It is only the illegitimate child that does not receive chastisement. The father of an illegitimate child normally does not care for him, and the child is not a legal heir of the father's name or inheritance. Such a child is rejected by his father as the unwanted product of his sin. It is no wonder that children that are not chastised by their parents have a sense of rejection.
No child is happy while they are in rebellion, even though they have willfully caused the defiance. They need help in order to overcome this problem. When parents refuse to provide the chastisement the child needs to bring them back in control, they sense an alienation from the family. They are actually, miserable within themselves, and their parents are angry with them as well. An act of disobedience or defiance causes a child to become unacceptable to the entire family circle of fellowship, and so they are separated from their parent's love. Parents need to chastise their children as one of their own, and not ignore them as if they were a bastard child.
A rebellious child has already rejected his parents' authority. They have chosen to rule themselves in accordance with what he wants. The only way parents can re-establish their challenged authority is to use the force of chastisement. When defiance and rebellion are allowed to exist, they destroy the orderly chain of command of the family as ordained by God. Like any force, chastisement can be misused. In American there is a lot of misuse, and many parents injure their children in the name of chastisement. In such cases, they are misusing their God given authority, and are incurring the wrath of God upon themselves.
Proper use of Chastisement
God designed chastisement as the proper force to be used by parents to control the rebellion of children. When a child has willfully broken the standards of a family, they must be corrected by chastisement. For example: Suppose that a child is told not to cross the street without the parents permission. Assume also that they clearly understood this warning, and that they have been warned on several other occasions as reinforcement to this command. Suppose also that this child had forgotten once, and was reprimanded verbally with a warning that it if this sort of thing should happen again, that they would deserve a whipping. The next time the child crosses the street they must be disciplined by chastisement. The memory of the pain from the chastisement will help them to obey instructions in the future.
When a child defiantly resists authority, endangers another child, or maliciously destroys property, they must be restrained by chastisement. For example: Suppose that a parent tries to give instructions to their child, and they rebel by saying "no" or just ignores you and tries to get away when you hold them, or throws a temper tantrum. His rebellion must be firmly and immediately be restrained by the use of the rod. The pain must be sufficient for them to choose to stop their rebellion immediately, and to accept the parents' instructions.
The Importance of the Rod
God has specifically established the rod as the symbol of authority. The Hebrew word for "matteh" is translated as the "rod" in the Old Testament. It is used for chastisement of children as a symbol of God's delegated authority to the human race. The rod refers to the right of rulership of either government or parent. Figuratively, the rod refers to military conquest of one nation against another (Psalm 89:32; Isaiah 10:5,24; Lam. 3:1, Ezekiel 20:37).
Some may ask, why is it necessary to use a rod to chastise your children? The only valid reason that it is used is because God's word says to use it. God has specifically established the rod as the symbol of human authority. The rod, in the Old Testament, established the right of rulership for either the government or parents. Thus, the rod is a thin stick that is used on rebellious children by the parents (2 Samuel 7:14; Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15). When parents utilize the instrument specifically designed by God as the symbol of his delegated authority, it triggers a response within the soul of a child. This natural response makes the minor pain associated with chastisement take on special meaning. No amount of spanking or hitting with the rod or any other type of punishment will have the same effect. Just as it is natural for a person to fear such things as snakes or unfamiliar loud noises in the night, it is ingrained in the child to identify the rod with an authority they should obey.
The use of a rod is best, because it is a neutral object, and not like the hand, which is part of the person. Hands are not a symbol of authority. Instead, they symbolize protection, comfort, and beckoning. The slap of a hand is an insult to which a child will react negatively. They will identify such use of the hand as personal rejection, and either become passively aligned or overtly resistant to the parent's personality. A belt can also be identified with the parent, but it is better than the hand. When a child is chastised with a rod, their complete attention is focused on the instrument of pain, and not the person using it. Furthermore, the rod can be used equally well by either the mother or the father. Its use does not require physical strength, which is unlike the paddle, which causes pain in direct proportion to the amount of strength used by the one inflicting the punishment. A rod by contrast, inflicts similar degrees of pain no matter who uses it.
The objective of chastisement is not to beat a child into submission by the use of brute force. The use of an instrument that can cause more than superficial pain can actually hurt the child, which could cause the parent to resent their lack of control, and perhaps even cease to chastise their children altogether, because of their feeling of guilt. Sometimes when a paddle, board or belt is used it becomes a challenge, especially to male children to prove their manhood by enduring the maximum amount of force and pain. The use of a rod eliminates that problem. There is no pride in bearing up to a narrow rod, and it can not cause any lasting injury. The pain received from the rod is more humbling than painful, and there is no defense against it. The most sensitive layer of skin is close to the surface where the nerve endings are located. The only way to stop the sting of the rod is to submit. That is exactly what the child will do. They will submit to their parent's will; and thus, end their rebellion.
The following Bible verses refer to the need of parents to chastise their children, and provides some important insights about this method. 2 Samuel 7:14 "I will be his Father, and he shall be My son. If he commits iniquity, I will chasten him with the rod of men and with the blows of the sons of men (NKJV)." Proverbs 13:24 " He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly (NKJV)." Proverbs 19:18 "Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction (NKJV)." Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him (NKJV)." Proverbs 23:13 "Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die (NKJV)." Hebrews 12:6-7 "For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives." 7If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?" (NKJV)
These verses indicate that the earlier a child is brought under control, the more likely they can be trained. These verses also indicate that there is a time in the life of a child when it is to late for the parents to be able to discipline their children successfully. Some children may scream, as if they are dying, but striking a child with a narrow rod will not kill them. The Bible verses indicate that the rod to be used is to be a thin wooden stick or switch. The size of the rod should vary with the size of the child. A willow or a peach tree branch may be fine for a rebellious two-year old, but a small hickory stick or dowel rod would be more fitting for a well-built teenage boy. Sometimes a mother hesitates to use a rod. Uninformed mothers may even try to interfere with the father's proper use of a rod. In such a case, the father's use of the rod won't have a complete effect of the child, and they will receive confused correctional messages.
The only way that a woman can become a proper mother is to combine the instructions found in God's word with her own natural instincts. A wise father can help his wife by understanding the woman's natural instincts and emotional make up. On the other hand, the mother should accept the fact that the little bit of pain that she must inflict momentarily will prevent the child from experiencing much more severe pain in the future. Children vary as to the number and intensity of strokes they require before they will submit to authority. Some are ready to submit when they even see the rod. These are usually the ones who have already come to realize that their parents mean business at this point. A few strokes will suffice to help them remember better next time. Parents need to be careful that their use of the rod is not excessive, and that the actual size of the rod is reasonable. Chastisement should never be administered by an angry or emotional parent. Parents must be careful not to take out their own frustrations on their children. A child's rebellion is no excuse for a parent to unload on that child the pressures of a bad day at the office, financial problems, or any other personal failure in handling the stresses of life.
What Chastisement is not
Just as it is important to understand what chastisement is, it is also important to understand what it is not. Take for instance, "verbal abuse." Chastisement is not a tongue-lashing, threats, or screaming fits of anger or adult temper tantrums. These things do nothing but support the child's disrespect for their parents' authority. Furthermore, it also demonstrates the parents' inability to rule. In such a case, the parents are actually out of control themselves. Occasionally, a parent that has a serious sin problem in their own life will truly abuse their child under the guise of chastisement. Such a parent has a spiritual problem that can only be permanently solved by spiritual means.
Psychological Manipulation
Parents will sometimes resort to psychological manipulation when a child is in rebellion. This type of approach only adds to the disrespect of authority. When a parent pleads and begs with a rebellious child, that child has them right where he wants them, which is under his will. None of the techniques of manipulation are a substitute for chastisement. Techniques such as reasoning, bribes, redirecting a child's attention, playing on their emotions or sinful nature, intimidation, or deception will not conquer rebellion. Their use only quiets things down for awhile. However, the pressure of rebellion is like the pressure developed in a pressure cooker, and will have to be eventually be released or else the fire must be turned off. Some children are able to catch on to manipulation techniques, and eventually are able to turn them back on their parents. None of these substitutes for chastisement will overcome a child's rebellion. All of them are short-sighted attempts to treat the symptoms rather than solve the real problem.
Chastisement is not same or equal to punishment. Yet these two terms have become almost synonymous. Generally, punishment is considered to be a cruel harsh, and arbitrary penalty that is imposed on a helpless subject. However, punishment as defined by god's word is always just. In contrast to chastisement, punishment is the just penalty for any type of wrong that has been done. Its purpose is not to force submission or control rebellion. Chastisement can be withdrawn as soon as a child submits, but punishment is the payment that must be made for a specific wrong that has been committed. Chastisement acts as a warning of worse to come, but punishment is the final payment. For example: If a child throws a temper tantrum, they are chastised until they come under control. However, if a child carelessly breaks a lamp, then they are is punished by having to clean up the mess, and pay for the lamp. That is their penalty for the wrong that they have done. Punishment is the action of punishing or the fact of being punished. It is the infliction of a penalty in retribution for an offense. Parents, as God's established authority over children, have the responsibility to execute justice when standards are broken.
There are many types of punishment, but only one type of chastisement. Any punishment such as isolating the child, restricting their privileges, or any other approach that avoids the proper physical pain will not conquer rebellion. The use of punishment on a child that is in rebellion will only cause them to be more resolved in their rebellion, and develop a hatred for authority. It is like trying to stop a charging lion with a water pistol. All it does is make them mad. Things may be quiet for awhile, but eventually an explosion will occur.
Executing Justice
Romans 13:4 "For he is God's minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God's minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil (NKJV)." This verse illustrates God's revelation concerning human institutions. Romans 13:1 say's that no ruling power exists except through the will of God, and that the positions of authority are ordained by God, and are in His control. We are also told that every individual is to place themselves willingly under the positions of leadership that exist above them. Whoever resists God's appointed authorities will receive judgement.
Parents are to act as judges of their children's deeds, and then administer punishment to those who are guilty. For example, take the case where penalties can be used to teach the child respect for property. Children can be taught that if they intentionally or carelessly damage property, they will have to pay for it. If they mark, tear, scratch or break, or otherwise damage property, they should pay for restoration of it to the extent that they are accountable. This property should include even their own toys, and clothes not bought with their own money. Children should learn respect for property as young as possible. Of course, if parents leave a two-year old alone in grandmother's room with her best china, they should expect the worst, and be willing to pay the penalty themselves.
A proper warning should always be given, and the child must have the necessary comprehension and physical ability to be held accountable. If a child is accident prone, they should be required to perform certain types of odd jobs for which they are paid. In that way, they will be able to pay with their own money for their carelessness. No amount of warning, scolding, or verbal rebuke will train the child to respect property like paying the penalty for its destruction. If a child does not have the money, they can always be required to work out the penalty by doing duties not normally required of them. When a child breaks something, they should always be required to clean up the mess, even if it was an accident or they were to young to be accountable for its full penalty. Their participation teaches them responsibility, and caution. Every broken standard has a penalty. The real question is who pays for it? Even if the child is too young to be held accountable, a broken vase must still be cleaned up and paid for by someone. Children can learn to be responsible for their own actions early in life. For example: Suppose that a small child breaks a window for which they should not be held accountable. The child can be required to help his parents to clean up the mess, and go with them to the store to buy a new one, and hold his parent's tools until the repair has been made. In this way the child begins to learn that there is a cost for damaging property. When a child breaks his own toys, one penalty could be to go without the toy.
Respect for Others including Animals
Children must learn the danger in causing pain to others. The penalty for causing pain to others is to receive pain by chastisement. Children must be taught to respect their elders. In eastern cultures, children are taught to stand up in the presence of their elders. Respect for authority and age is a fundamental part of eastern culture.
In parts of India, such as the state of Kerala it is common practice to hurt animals without any reason. For instance, if people or even children should see a stray dog, they will throw stones at it, and inflict pain or harm to it. They also derive a sense of pleasure from such an act. However, it is important to remember that animals also have a fear of pain, and a sense of safety for their lives, just as is found in humans. Therefore, children must be trained to avoid unnecessary cruelty to animals.
Administration of Punishment
A child should be held accountable for punishment only when they have broken a standard or law that has been clearly defined and communicated to them. The punishment must also be carried out consistently and fairly without favoring any particular child. This is indicated in Deuteronomy 1:17 "You shall not show partiality in judgment; you shall hear the small as well as the great; you shall not be afraid in any man's presence, for the judgment is God's. The case that is too hard for you, bring to me, and I will hear it (NKJV)." God has given laws to human judges to administer justice on earth among people. Parents are one of God's human judges. When parents punish their children, they are carrying out God's judgement. In this way, parents can depend on God's power to help in the administration of punishment, even to the largest child. Punishment is always administered after a child has confessed their guilt. The result of punishment is the establishment of a proper fear of justice, and a respect for the power of authority. Standards
A "standard" is defined as "a rule, principle, or means of judgement or estimation, a criterion, or a measure." A child must always know exactly what their parents expect of them. This principle is true for anyone who is under authority. The law of the land must be clearly stated before the citizens can be expected to follow it. When laws are not clearly stated and objectively enforced, each man becomes their own authority, and does only what they think is right. In a similar way, employers must set, and consistently enforce company standards for their employees. Husbands must also clearly communicate what they expect from their wives. In this way wives are able to follow the Biblical directions to submit to their husbands. Setting the standards is the responsibility of any person in a position of authority, and it is also important that there is fair treatment of subordinates.
The Biblical principle behind setting standards is clear. There can be no personal accountability without the existence of law. This is indicated in Romans 4:15 "...for where there is no law there is no transgression (NKJV)." God is saying in this verse that punishment is the result of breaking a known law. If there is no law, there can be no punishment as is indicated in Romans 5:13 "For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law (NKJV)." This verse indicates that man always has failed to measure up to the absolute standards of God, but that he has been held personally accountable for only that portion of God's law that is revealed at any particular time. The word translated "imputed "means charged to one's account". For example, Adam was held accountable for only one law, which was not to eat the fruit from on specific tree in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:17). However, the Mosaic law formally codified so many of God's laws that no man can avoid becoming personally accountable to the absolute ruler, which is God (Romans 3:19-20,23; Galatians3:10).
In child training, parents must directly state the directions or restrictions that their children are expected to obey. The foundation of authority is to clearly set the standards. A child has the right to know what his parents want them to do so that they will not do it. The specific standards will vary form family to family depending on the parents' upbringing, education, and status in life. However, the basis for any conscientious child training should be standards given to man from God. The only authority parents possess is delegated by God. Therefore, it is reasonable that the standards by which parents control their children, and then teach them should be in general agreement with God's standards. Certainly they should never conflict with the word of God. The correct standards will be re-enforced by the standards already installed by God, that are written in the child's conscience when the parents train their children to obey and honor their authority. This would also apply to being honest, and to consider the rights and property of others. In this way, the child's conscience will confirm those standards. The child's conscience is also strengthened in the process of proper child training.
The Comprehension of Instructions by Children
It is not sufficient to just give a child instructions. Parents need to make certain that their instructions are both heard and understood. One way that this can be done is to have the child repeat the instructions that have been given to them. Parents can do this simply by asking the child, "now what did I say?" or "what does that mean?" or "what will happen if you don't obey?".
Chastisement is also necessary on occasions with young children just to stop their playfulness, and establish a serious attitude towards a situation. This is indicated in Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him. (NKJV)" Little children are often occupied with playing, and have difficulty bringing it to an end. In such a situation, parents must be sure not to give their instructions in a kidding manner or allow the child to think obedience is just a game. For instance, if the father is playing with the children on the living room carpet, it is not the time to give the child instructions to carry out the garbage. There needs to be a cooling off period after playtime to allow the return of the normal parent-child relationship before giving any instructions.
Teaching a standard can be done either by example or by clear communication. For example, properly making a bed requires practice to learn. At first, both demonstration and parental assistance are needed. Just to tell a child to clean their room up is not setting a standard. First, the child must be shown what is expected, and has the physical ability to meet the standard. Then they can be held accountable for maintaining the standard. The principle here is simply that when a child is able to comprehend a standard, and has the ability to comply with it, then they become fully accountable for maintaining it.
Things to Avoid
There are several negative things that parents should avoid in the process of setting standards.
One is to avoid comparing one child with another, because each child has his own strengths and weaknesses. It is not fair to compare one child's strengths to another's weakness. In such cases, parents that have resorted to this practice have not trained either child. Another thing to avoid it is the failure to follow through with a prescribed punishment for disobedience. Standards must be consistently enforced to be fair and effective. The worst thing a parent can do to a child is to provoke them to anger or to discourage them by belittling or teasing them. This approach will infuriate a child, but it will not train them. Children when being chastised by their parents may become bitterly angry with them, and even scream out "I hate you". However, this is not the type of anger that results from proper child training here. The anger inferred here is illustrated in Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged (NKJV)", and in Ephesians 6:4 "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord (NKJV)." The Greek word that is translated to "provoke" in Colossians 3:21 means "to embitter, stir up, excite, provoke in a negative sense." The father that irritates his children by verbal abuse is provoking the children to wrath. It is a sign of weak and insecure leadership for a parent to use cutting remarks intended to pressure a child.
A report was printed in the Chicago Tribune on Sept. 18, 1994 about the arrest of a father that spanked his daughter. It reads as follows: "David Peterson remembered his daddy whipping his rear to discipline him at their farm in Iowa a quarter of a century ago. He recalled his principle swatting his butt with a paddle when he got into a scuffle with another student in the hallway of his Junior High School. So Peterson, 38 year old father of two children, can't understand why he was thrown in jail for spanking his daughter when she was naughty." Peterson's arrest for assault may have been a result of society's changing attitudes toward corporeal punishment. Recent studies by David Uttel, assistant professor of psychology at Northwestern University claims to have correlated spanking with increased violence among children.1 These studies also suggested that spanking created emotional barriers between children and their parents. He has stated that "Children learn by modeling, and if they see parents hitting them as a punishment, they will tend to do this to their peers in school." Uttel went on to say, that for this reason a growing number of states, since the 1960's have outlawed corporeal punishment in the classroom.
One does not need a degree in psychology to understand who is wrong in this example. Examine the history of how children behaved in American schools before the 1960's, when corporal punishment was used, and now when it is necessary for most schools to have metal detectors to screen students for guns and knifes, etc. and police on duty, because of everyday brutal violence. These psychologists never understood the real problem, because of their preconceived liberal, immoral and bigoted views. If they would just be honest enough to compare the overwhelming statistics before and after the early 1960's the answers to this problem would become obvious. In fact, this has already been done by the well-known study made by David Barton in his book America: To Pray or Not to Pray. The statistics and diagrams that he shows for these periods of time are overwhelming in illustrating the enormous change that has occurred in this country prior to the early 1960's and after that time. It is a shame that Uttel did not have the honesty and scholarship to reference that work in relation to the dogmatic statements that he made in his newspaper article.
Family and school violence remained minimal prior to the 1960's. The social revolution that followed this time line produced a monster in our country. A Ph.D. does not make a person an expert in a particular subject unless they are intellectually honest, and have a perception of the history of the subject, and are willing to make an analysis based upon it.
Open Conflict
In some families there is lot of arguing, and blaming of each other. Furthermore, verbal abuse may be common, and physical abuse often erupts. The husband, wife or both may have drinking or drug problems. Children normally want their parents to stay together. However, children from violent families may not feel that way. When they are awakened from sleeping because of shouts and insults, and perhaps cringe in fear in a corner while their father shoves their mother across the room, or when they live each day in fear of physical abuse, these children were relieved and hopeful that life might be better for them after divorce. Most people feel better after a conflict when some agreement occurs, and there is a period of forgiveness. Their marriage then takes on a new vitality. Even their sex lives improve.
Child Rearing
Proverbs 22:6 provides some important insight on this matter by saying: "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (NKJV)." Some think that Solomon meant training as one would train a dog, by teaching a child to do certain things, and enforced by a system of rewards for performance, and punishment for disobedience. However, the human brain is accompanied by a spirit and soul. Animals do not have a spirit like humans. The human spirit enables a human to think, to reason, to calculate, and to make decisions. Animals by contrast, are equipped with instinct. Satan begins to work on a child's mind in the earliest stages of childhood, by nurturing such attitudes as selfishness, hostility, disagreement, resentment, and self will.
Unfortunately, many parents neglect teaching their children's intellect with sound principles of morality. Instead, they wait and expect that their teachers at school will teach them such things. However, that may be the worst place for them to be taught those things. It is much better that a child is trained to think along the lines taught in the Bible of God's love and His ways, than the ways of the secular world. Sound Biblical principles will also teach them to appreciate God's love for people, and how to do good, and care for the welfare of others, and to avoid the teachings of evil which Satan has used to corrupt this world. The Bible also teaches a child to honor their parents. The pagan psychologists, that have rejected the revealed word of God, cannot properly teach parents how to rear children. They do not understand the mind and intellect of the Christian. Unless they have the Holy Spirit, they are incompetent to teach authoritatively on the subject of child rearing, at least to Christian families.
The Bible is absolute, and far ahead of this so-called "modern time" time with regard to providing a sound foundation for a nation to grow upon. Biblical values are immemorial. They are not time worn, but time tested. Instead these values are undefeated and undeniable, and they outlast all other values. Therefore, it is important to teach parents to administer proper discipline to their children.
Child Abuse
It is an unfortunate thing, but children are brought daily to the attention of the public and health officials, that have been beaten, burned, stabbed, electrically shocked, stomped on, thrown violently against walls by parents or other adults in charge of them. Many of these victims are less than three years of age, and many of them die from the injuries inflicted upon them. It seems to be a paradox, but all of these things are going on in the most advanced country on earth. Fractured skulls, broken legs and arms, blackened eyes, bruised bodies and whip lashed necks are common place. Even hardened law officers breakdown emotionally after finding such abused children.
What has gone wrong?
Only a very small proportion of parental or adult child abusers are criminal psychopaths. Most abusers, after being counseled, say they don't want to hurt their children, but somehow they lose control of themselves, and do it anyway when child-rearing problems of frustration arise. Most incidents of child abuse stem from crude, and improper attempts at discipline. Parents sometimes become provoked by a child's apparent inability to follow instructions, by misbehavior or rebellion. A substantial percentage of children with bed wetting problems face severe punishment from parents. Actually a child is often not responsible for this problem, and a proper readjustment of the sleeping pattern will usually solve this problem. Many devices such as alarms that go off to wake up the child from deep sleep are available on the market. In most cases this bell and wake remedy works. If it doesn't, then the parents need to call a urologist.
Numerous physically abused children are permanently injured, physically and intellectually. Many suffer handicaps and emotional disturbances. Others run away from homes and turn to sordid life-styles and crime. Most vicious murderers and rapists were seriously abused children. The residue of today's child abuse will be seen in the hospital emergency room tomorrow, in the juvenile court in a decade, and soon after that a new generation of abusing parents and abused children will be formed. Child abuse is an improper use of physical or psychological force or of discipline on a child. This abuse is administered by parental or adult lack of emotional control or whim or ignorance.
Research into the backgrounds of child abusers has discovered that while there is no perfect profile of a child abuser, an adult's potential for child abuse can be estimated. For example, There was an incident in Union, South Carolina in November 1994 that shocked the world. Divers found the bodies of two young boys in a car, nearly 100 feet out from a boat ramp in a lake. The children were securely strapped in the back seat of the car. With the windows shut, the car had floated slowly out into the lake as it filled with water, and settled to the bottom of the lake. When the search team finally dragged the car out, veteran diver Steve Morrow stood on the banks and cried "There's no way to be thick skinned about something like this". He says " When it's an accidental death you can deal with it a little better, but knowing that someone could deliberately -----" his voice trails off. When he got home that night Morrow says, he crawled into bed with his little boy " I just had to hold him for a while.2" Susan Smith, the mother America has come to know as crying for the return of her presumably stolen children on the "Today's Show", was seen playing with them at a videotaped birthday party, as well as pleading that the kidnapper feed them and care for them, had confessed to being the murderer of her own children. The nation mourned for the deceased Michael who was 3 years old, and Alex, who was only 14 months old. The mother had a broken marriage, and her children were a hindrance to her romance with another man. Her contorted and sick mind caused her to purposely kill her own children.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimated that in 1992 about 1,100 children died from abuse or neglect from their parents in this country. Far more common than the sensational murders in Union County are the more easily concealed deceptions practiced by mothers who claim that abused or neglected children died of "Sudden infant death syndrome" (SIDS) or accidents. They are crimes that are much more difficult to prove. Only half the country's child abuse deaths are uncovered. Generally, parents that kill their children tend to be under a lot of stress. They may be very young, and not ready for the demands of parenthood. They are also usually socially isolated, and without any affiliation with a church. They may have been victims of violence themselves. Abusing parents also usually lacked proper imprinting by their parents or other adults that had loving tender attitudes, and knowledge of techniques, needed to become a good mother or to be a considerate father. Parents who abuse children often have a poor self-image, and try to rise above problems and irritations with brutal force and power. Since their own feelings as a child were discounted, parents have a strong tendency to discount the importance of problems or feelings of other's. Their feelings and problems of the moment are of paramount importance to them. The mutual support, or lack of it, between parents has a great influence on the treatment that they provide to their children.
The relationships among abusing parents are often marked by frequent strife and arguments, commonly about child rearing and money matters. Many abused children were unplanned and unwanted by their parents, and most of them were conceived out of wedlock. Often it is only one child of a family that is the subject of abuse. Child abusers frequently have a distorted perception of what a child is capable of doing or understanding at a particular stage of its development. They tend to feel a very young child should automatically be more mature in its years than it is actually capable of being. Some parents expect young children to automatically perceive their adult feelings, and to understand and respond as an adult. When the child is not able to perform as expected, the misled or ignorant parent feels insulted by their "inferior" offspring, and may be triggered into an abusive reaction to "make him grow up".
Too many problems often will start to wear down anyone's ability to cope. Families that have allowed child abuse to occur seem to live life styles that provoke frequent crises. Some make major incidents out of incidents of minor importance. At other times problems are often ignored until they can't be any longer, and then there is an over reaction. Marital problems, financial problems and employment difficulties seem to pile up. When these people move to urban cultures or strange foreign cultures, they lose traditional family support systems, and child abuse becomes more prevalent. Other crises that are often associated with some abusing families are frequent health problems or abuse of alcohol and drugs.
Another universal abuse from the beginning of humanity is based on bedwetting. Parents blame the child and physically punish innocent children. This is the cruelest abuse a parent can inflict on a child. The following information is from a pamphlet written by the President of Pacific International, Dr. Eugene B. Draper.
"Thousands of people just like you are seeking answers and reaching out for help because of the bedwetting problem in their family. Nocturnal enuresis (bedwetting) afflicts approximately 15-20% of school age children between the ages of 4 and 16. There is also evidence to show that 2-3% of the adult population still have the problem.
Bedwetting, or nocturnal enuresis, afflicts many children and adults. It can inhibit and affect a child's development, their self worth, self-image, and their ability to perform in school. Bedwetting is a sleep problem. Usually, the bedwetter is sleeping so deeply that they cannot even feel their own bladder pressure. If a person does not go though their proper sleep cycles, and goes into this deep sleep instead, they will not get the benefit needed from their sleep. This can result in poor concentration, hyperactiveness, and a lack of a long attention span. At the very least, it makes the person feel self conscious and uncomfortable."
Devices such as an alarm that goes off to wake up a child from deep sleep are available on the market. Parents who punish the children for this problem are really abusing them.
Another type of emotional abuse is by parents who force their children to eat all the food on the plate although they cannot consume anymore food. if a child says, "I don't want it," or "I don't like it," don't tell them about the starving children in India or Bangladesh.
God has designed human beings to have special mental powers. No other animal has powers of intellect to reason, think, plan, design and make complex decisions like those that are found in man. God's ultimate purpose for this trait in humans is the creation of a godly character. Children are deeply impressionable clay models. They can be imprinted with proper examples and values or imprinted with wrong ones. It is a parent's responsibility to set the right example for their children on how humans ought to live. The parent must also guide and discipline the child until it in turn is qualified to become a parent, and continue the process. A parent who succumbs to fits of rages and lashes out at a child in uncontrollable outbursts of hostility is sowing the seeds of great problems in the future.
Basic rules of Imprinting
No one needs and requires love more than children. Parents can demonstrate that love and concern daily, whether for a newborn or a youth in their teens. Parents soon learn that physical requirements vary with a child's age, but they often forget that love is required continually. Affection, attention, and an outgoing concern are the key ingredients in all relationships. Loving parents produce loving children. A father who is overbearing cannot expect affectionate sons and daughters. The apostle Paul cautioned in Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged (NKJV)." When a mother yells at her son "You dummy, why did you do that?" She is not only discouraging her child, she is encouraging her other children to think of the child in a disrespectful manner. Little babies and small children require affection, kisses, hugs and tenderness in order to grow, and develop at a normal rate. Always let your children know that you love them, and try to help them when ever possible. You may disapprove or even correct them for the genuine mistakes they will certainly make, but that does not change the underlying love and affection that you will always feel for them. The effect of love on children, and adults is as important as clothing and food, sunshine and fresh air, all put together. With such love and encouragement your children will bloom before your eyes.
We all loose our tempers at times. When this happens, don't be afraid to apologize after things have calmed down. It is amazing how pleasant communications can become when a family member is big enough to apologize when they have been wrong. Remember, that you are teaching your children by example, how to admit and handle their own mistakes. The times of warmness and closeness that usually follow such episodes are among the most special memories that children and parents will never forget. Showing care and concern for others is an additional value you can demonstrate and encourage in your children. It is also very important to take time to play with your children.
Setting the right example
Parental example is a critical factor in proper child rearing. Nothing renders a parent's efforts in child rearing more ineffective than parental hypocrisy. Children cannot be expected to adopt standards their parents are unwilling to practice. Children and teenagers who smoke pot or take drugs will often point to their parent's addiction to alcohol, tobacco or prescription drugs for their excuse to do similar things. If children observe one spouse to verbally attack, criticize or ridicule the other, they are likely to think this is the appropriate way to respond for them in other situations. Its important to remember that children learn form example more than from words. They are natural mimics. A child's personality often mirrors that of their parents' mannerisms, habits, vocabulary and opinions. All of these things will be reflected in children from their parents, for better or for worse. Learning takes place through the use of our five senses, which are, seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and tasting. Therefore, it is important in the learning experience of children that proper examples are provided to them in all of these categories. The way we learn is through repetition, appreciation, and association. Your children learn from the whole range of words you use in your daily vocabulary, as well as how you use them, the attitude you express, the situation you explore and information you share with them. Therefore, it is important to consider what examples you are teaching to your children. Basic things like cooking and cleaning must be taught to children. Do you keep your word? Are you obedient to God? Do you respect law and those in authority? Do you say nice things to other people's face, and then speak disrespectfully of them in private? Do you claim to be one thing in public and then do just the opposite in private, even in your home? You will be a successful parent only if you provide the proper examples.
Take time to Teach
God instructs you to teach your children. This is clearly stated in Deuteronomy 6:7 "Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (NKJV)." Training may involve such simple things as developing the habit of washing hands before eating, brushing and flossing the teeth at least twice a day, taking a bath daily, and cleaning the room etc.
Most children love to have others read interesting and exciting stories to them. Reading aloud as little as 10 minutes a day from the Bible and history books, or from other sound educational materials, teaches specific facts to children. It stimulates a young person's mind and intellectual curiosity as well as to help develop their language abilities. Children need to be taught and trained in positive skills, as well as in social and cultural manners. It is important to point out to them the positive results of proper actions, and the negative results of wrong actions. For example, children should be warned about the tragedies of illicit sex. Point out the toll that is being reaped in unwanted pregnancies and the epidemics of social diseases. You can illustrate to your children the bad results of smoking, drug abuse, lying and stealing, watching the wrong kind of movies, reading the wrong types of literature, listening to degrading music, and participating in the wrong type of activities. Young children are not properly equipped to make right kinds decisions in these areas. It is important to go places and do things with your children, because such activities will be memorable for them, and for you as well. These things will help to bind your family together as a unit.
Talk to your Child
It is important to begin to talk to your baby soon after birth. It is advisable to avoid baby talk, and use clear speech when talking to the baby. Just hearing the sound of their parents' voice, and the language they speak is an important aspect of their development, because those are sounds that they will soon begin to mimic. Parents should use good grammar when speaking. A parent is a child's first teacher, and the parent is transmitting the language with which they will think and express ideas.
The child's character traits, personal values and personality are decided, basically by the home environment. A parent should realize that they have a lot of advantages with which to succeed in developing the character of their children. Young children will unquestionably believe a parent. They have a strong desire to please parents who are truly interested, and excited about their accomplishments. Parents must show their children how to give and share. The child must not be allowed to snatch toys away from others, they must learn not to take anything that isn't theirs. A child also needs to learn about order and organization. No children should be brought up a household of confusion. A neat, orderly home with regular mealtimes will help develop such an order, as well as trust and confidence in a child. Some families don't pay attention to the way they eat their food. Yet it is important that all members of the family sit together to eat their meals. If the father is eating at the table, and the mother is eating in the kitchen, and children are eating while watching TV, then it is very difficult for the family members to bond together. Praise builds confidence in your children. Don't talk demeaningly to others about your children's faults and inner feelings. However, children should be taught to accept criticism.
Activities
When children ask you to play with them don't say no or maybe later. Take time to play with your children. Play is the child's work. It is important in their life, and development. Far from being something extraneous, it is vital to their growth. From their earliest days, play experiences help develop co-ordination, faster maturity and a more rounded personality. Character is formed in early play experiences. Play allows a child to rehearse patterns of living, and toys can help form a child's personality and creative skills.
Many pre-school children are practically weaned on television, in some cases spending more than half of their waking time with their eyes glued to their new teacher. In the United States, before reaching age 5, a child may have already spent more time in front of a television set than the average student spends in the class room of a liberal arts program throughout their entire four years of college. Quickly changing scenes and the rapid-fire delivery of television shortens the attention span of children. Many children who watch television extensively tend to loose their powers of imagination upon entering school. With children accustomed to being entertained, teachers find it difficult to hold their pupil's attention for any length of time. Add to this, possibly weakened eyes from staring at one point, sometimes without blinking for long periods, whereas the normal eye movement is from side to side. Television should not fill the vacuum created by parental neglect, nor should it be a baby-sitter. Children need to be talked to, and listened to in their formative years.
The television set itself, however, is not the problem, if controls are exercised. There is nothing wrong with watching good TV programs together. In that way, parents can comment on any fallacies or wrong actions that might creep into good programs. Listening is a vital key to learning. It requires work, diligence and self-discipline, but a child's future success depends on it. A parent should begin by having them listen to them for a minute or two at a time. The parent needs to make sure the child's eyes are on them during this time. Then ask them a question concerning what has just been covered. Many people in third world countries are not good listeners. They will often interrupt you in the middle of a sentence, and start a conversation having no connection with what you may have been speaking about. Certain types of lifestyles, especially socialistic views, have created this egotistical and ill-mannered behavior. To begin with, they feel that they know everything, and will have an opinion about any subject under the sky. It soon becomes clear that their parents did not raise them properly. Teach your child to handle things quietly and gently. Rough handling will brake delicate objects. Take your child to the library frequently, and choose books that have good information in them. Through books your child's vocabulary will increase, and he will learn the flow and rhythm of words. Synonyms and antonyms will soon enter his ears.
The pre-adolescent years
The pre-adolescent years lay the foundation the teen years. It is an important time that in large measure determines the course for subsequent years. At this age the parent, plays an important role in determining the path to either success or failures in the future life of their children. When children become teenagers, it will be much more difficult to alter already established patterns of behavior. By instilling good habits in your children before they become teenagers, you will make it easier on them and on yourself later on. If you have neglected your child rearing responsibilities, now is absolutely the best time to start. One of the most important aspects of child rearing at this or any age is proper communication. Some of the most prevalent feelings of many children and teenagers today is that "no one listens", "no one understands", "no one cares". Such attitudes can be a great barrier to a parent's child-rearing efforts.
Parents must also foster an atmosphere of openness and approachability. Children must not be made to feel afraid to come to your as a parent. Don't let job activities, selfish interests or other matters interfere with this need. When you work in the yard, try and make it a family affair, and teach them how to do all the jobs around the house. Make your children a partner in the household work. Its their home too, and they need to develop a sense of pride and ownership in the home that they live in. These things will enhance family communication, and bonding among family members. Communication must be two way. Parents usually communicate to their children, but not with them. However, your children have their own ideas, dreams, plans and goals. Some are good and others are wrong, and still others may need some advice to fully develop them. If one's children develop the habit of coming to their parent with their thoughts, then it will be easier to direct, and advise them in their thinking, and often prevent problems before they arise. Ask them questions about school, their friends, their interests, and problems that they might be having. This should not be done in a prying manner, but in an attitude of genuine interests and concern. A parent should listen carefully to their children's viewpoints, and don't automatically close their mind to what they have to say. Help them understand why something is either wrong or inadvisable. Don't just say "no" and leave it at that. Explain to them the reasons why you said no. Occasionally have an evening of family discussion around a table in which everyone is involved.
It is important for a parent to instill a desire for education in their child. Show enthusiasm over their homework and school achievements. Establish a dialogue with their teacher. Parents need to instill in their children a love for books and reading. Create an atmosphere of dynamic interests in the huge world around us, and encourage them to want to know more about it, and about its people, places, wildlife, history and so on. Newspaper reading must be mandatory for the entire family so that they will become aware of current events. Encourage and watch with them world news, and many other educational channels that provide valuable information. Family trips can also be a valuable type of education, such as taking one's children to museums and historical places, and if possible plan such trips around their interests. For instance, if some of your children are interested in collecting rocks, it would be interesting and inspiring to take vacations to areas where certain types of special rocks or minerals could be found.
During the pre-adolescent period, questions about sex inevitably arise. Children at this age want to know the simple answers to their questions, and they will find out one way or the other, and it is best that they find out from their parents. Unfortunately, parents often don't know how to go about telling their children the facts of life, and they become uncomfortable, and uneasy or embarrassed when confronted with their children's questions. Most children are thus left to pick it up from their peers in the form of dirty jokes and sex magazines. One should not allow this to happen to their child. Instead, this information should have been taught to the child beginning in the preschool years, about birth, the nursing of babies, and sex before they learn it from misinformed sources. It is best to educate the child in stages about birth and sex as early as possible, before other influences come to bear. Don't allow other children to play the role of the sex educator for your child.
Parental sexual education begins by first making sure that they are sufficiently well versed on the subject so as to be able to provide simple, but correct and accurate answers to their questions. If they don't inquire, don't assume that they do not have an interest in the subject or are not old enough to deal with the subject. Take the initiative and teach them when they are young. Let your children know that sex is sacred and wholesome, and reserved only for married couples. Don't convey a negative view of the opposite sex. Impart Biblically based attitudes about sex to your children. Sex and reproduction was intended by God to be reserved only for the couple that has been married so that they will come together, and form another. The pre-adolescent years are also a time when attention must be given to developing proper attitudes concerning being a boy or a girl. These attitudes will carry over into adulthood. If parents are setting the correct example of masculinity and femininity, most of the education about the adult sexes has already been accomplished. If a father treats his young daughter with respect as a feminine young woman, such as opening a door for her, respecting her privacy, treating with her love, and kindness, this is the type of behavior that she will look for, and expect in a man later on. On the other hand, if her father does not show love, and fatherly affection, and concern toward her, she will have no standards by which to judge proper masculine behavior. Mothers too, must exhibit the proper type of feminine character traits for their sons. Traits that they would like to see in their future daughter in law.
In single parent families, it is important that the children, regardless of their sex, be exposed to adults representing the sex of the missing parent. Such adults can be relatives, friends, co-workers, or neighbors. Single parents must not neglect this important aspect of their child-rearing responsibilities. A girl has to be taught to exhibit true femininity-characteristics such as virtue, industry, out going concern for others, generosity, understanding helpfulness, as well as practical skills such as cooking sewing and cleaning. Proper grooming habits should also be established at this age. Mothers should take time to instruct their daughters in the preparation and care for their hair, proper dress and personal hygiene. Habits concerning proper diet, and a regular program of exercise should also be introduced during these early years. Your daughters are the wives and mothers of tomorrow, and they will be the examples for your grand children. Boys must understand that the purpose of being a boy is to become a man. Boys should be motivated and taught to develop courage and strength, and to be fit physically. They should be encouraged, as should girls, to take an active part in sports and to get in shape and stay that way. Boys should also be provided with a chance to work. They also should also be trained in proper etiquette and grooming. Good manners, as well as a clean and neat appearance are essential. Today's young men, especially sportsmen show a poor example of masculinity by wearing ear rings, and flaunting other unnatural life styles. It is also important to encourage in young boys the habit of hanging up their own clothing, and keeping their own room neat. Both boys and girls should be given chances to develop an appreciation for good music, and children should be encouraged to develop their musical abilities, whether it is vocal or instrumental.
Developing Character and Morals
Parents with different ethnic and language backgrounds should teach the good values, culture and language of their family to their children. In that way their children can retain the good cultural heritage from their family, and adopt the good values of the country that they are living in. By omitting the negative and useless native customs, and embracing the good values of the country that they are living in, they can become better citizens of that country. On the other hand, if they retained the negative aspects of their native culture, and then also embraced the contemporary evil culture that exists in the U.S., then they will probably never become an ideal citizen.
It is important to teach the children the language of their grandparents, because it is the key to their cultural heritage. If the children can not communicate with their grandparents, then both will suffer a deep loss of some of the more precious benefits of a family life. Furthermore, learning a second language will also enhance their cultural diversity and intellectual awareness. Take for an example a small state in southern India known as Kerala. The educational system there taught three languages in the schools, which included a native language called Malayalam , English, and another Indian language called Hindi. There are 25 languages, and 200 dialects spoken in India. Most of the other areas of the country had been involved in linguistic quarrels at one time or another.
The people of Kerala are called Malayalees. Today Malayalees can be found throughout all of India, and in every part of the world. This was accomplished primarily because of their pragmatic views, and willingness to learn other languages. Unfortunately most of the American Malayees have not taught their language and culture to their children. Today the state of Kerala has been deeply enriched, because of all of their people that have gone to live in other countries, have also brought those cultures back to that land.
The home is an essential element in instilling the proper character and morals in children. Parents can have a profound effect on how their children will conduct their lives after they leave home. Children want and need guidelines, because it gives them a sense of security, as well as clear standards of conduct. When it comes to instilling character and morals, realize again that example is of paramount importance, and parents' actions speak louder than their words. Does the parent lie, cheat, swear, follow a double standard, gossip, complain, or criticize? When a parent finds some lame excuses for not paying their bills or evade taxes, their children will observe those actions, and very likely follow them when they get older. Living an honest life can be expensive. If you run through a red light, and if you lie to the police, there is a possibility that you might escape from paying a fine and save money. If you falsify your income tax information you may save some money. Thus, honest Christian living can be expensive.
There are a number of other different things that parents can also do to help enforce the bonding relationship with their children. For instance, a Bible study should be a part of every family's schedule. Show them examples of correct behavior in the Scriptures. Also illustrate examples from the Bible of the consequences of wrong behavior. A parent must be informed about today's youth, and their concerns and pre-occupations. A parent should talk to their child, and to other parents, and to teachers, as well as read newspapers and magazines. It is important that a parent keep their fingers on the pulse of the world. Watch for changing and potentially bad or wrong attitudes in their children. Be on guard against attitudes of anger, selfishness, dishonesty and rebellion. Inquire why their children feel the way they say they do about various things. Finally, instruct them in the proper responses to situations, and why such responses work for the best in the long run.
Teenagers need active, proper guidance from good, strong parents if they are to mature into successful adults. Today, there is a battle rising between parents and this world. It is a battle for their teenage children. The battle began at birth, between parents and Satan, and the spoil is the children. If parents want their teenage children to succeed, now is the time to initiate decisive action. Pre-teenagers and teenagers should associate with their grand parents as much as possible.
Strengthen Family Ties
The foundation of a healthy society is the home, and a good home is built around a strong family. When a child loves, and respects God, and his family, they feel a deep sense of loyalty to them, and will not want to bring shame or problems upon them. Furthermore, they will watch his conduct so that it does not reflect negatively upon God, their parents or others in the family. Thus, they will do what is best for members of the family, and will try to please them. Developing a strong family unit requires authority in the home. Children must be taught to respect parents, with the father as the head of the home. Children who learn to respect their parents can relate to respect for government, and God. Many parents, influenced by faulty modern psychology, have made the mistake of trying to be their children's friends instead of their parents, and that method does not work.
Communication
Families need to talk among themselves. Unfortunately, many parents do not take the time to talk with their teenagers, and even fewer take time to listen to them. Instead, they have their own interests and pleasures, and business to take care of friends to spend time with, and television shows to watch. They say, "my teenagers don't want me to be with them," and prefer to be by themselves. That is a tragedy! Parents should ask their children about their activities? One important reason that they should do this is found in Proverbs 29:15. It talks about what happens to the parent that does not do such a thing. Proverbs 29:15 "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. (NKJV)" The book of proverbs contains much sound advice on achieving true success, and building happy human relationships. It is important to encourage a teenager to read them.
Broken homes are a tragedy. Children need two loving concerned parents and grandparents. This transient modern mobile society has robbed children of stable extended family ties enjoyed by grandparents. Most young people have little understanding of the past, and even less regard for the wisdom of their elders. A knowledge of the family history will help stimulate an interest to stay in contact with all relatives. Don't leave your children on their own to get into trouble in later years. It is important to start early to put them on the right track. Side stepping your responsibilities in this area can lead to an ultimate disaster. Children, usually grow up to be like their parents. How one might ask, do they learn about such things as love, honesty, fidelity, and faith? They learn them by seeing them consistently performed by their parents. On the other hand, they can also learn negative examples of character from their parents as well.
References Cited
1. Houston Chronicle, 9/18/94. p. 1
2. Time, 11/14/94, How Could She Do It? Death and Deceit, p. 43-48.