Chapter 5
Pastors and other church leaders have avoided the subject of divorce until the 1960's as a taboo, and no one was writing much about it either. By that time, many Christian institutions had fallen into liberal hands, and conservatives had been thrown out of their churches. In addition, many church denominations lost control of their Christian foundations to unbelieving leaders. The liberal media has controlled the news that the people of this country received for most of this century, and they have done much to undermine sound Christian values. Another trend has emerged in more recent years, that of corrupted or pseudo-psychology, which is being used to resolve many day to day problems. There has been a plague of contemporary books that have tried to apply psychology, and even occultic interpretations to the Scriptures, which have produced blasphemous and disgusting results. Virtually, all television shows today attempt to make divorce, and remarried couples common place or at least socially acceptable in their programs.
God designed marriage as the foundation of human society. He formally instituted marriage by declaring in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (KJV)" It is important to teach these principles to young people. If marriage were of human origin, then human beings would have the right to set it aside. However, since God is the one that instituted marriage, only He has the right to do so. His word in the Bible tells us that marriage will not be dispensed with until the life that is to come. This is seen in Mark 12:25 "For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven. (KJV)" However, marriage can be regulated according to human whims and fancies, but neither another individual or the state has the authority to decide who may be married or divorced. The state or nation has been given the task to maintain internal peace, and to provide defense from external aggression, but it has no right to determine the rules for marriage and divorce. Contrary to scriptural principles, the state should only regulate marriage and divorce to protect the individuals involved financially and pertaining to social issues. Regulations should not in anyway encourage divorce. That prerogative belongs to God, and He has revealed His will on these matters in the Scriptures, which have been expounded on, and applied by the church.
Marriage is an institution that forms the very foundation of society. The attack that is being directed on marriage today is actually an attack upon society itself. Marriage is also the foundation upon which the church as God's special society rests. An attack on the family; therefore, constitutes an attack upon God's order in the world, and His church. Some Christian's wrongly believed that God designed the institution of marriage only to propagate the human race. It is true that God ordained that procreation must be carried on as one duty in marriage, and only within marriage, but it is not the most important feature of marriage. This becomes obvious, when it is realized that the human race could propagate itself quite adequately apart from marriage by simply mating as do animals. It is obvious that marriage is definitely more involved than mating, although it involves mating as one of its duties, it is important not to equate them. Reducing marriage to the legalized responsibility of mating is an error with serious implications. The propagation of the human race is a byproduct of marriage, but not its primary purpose. Indeed, from a purely animalistic point of view, it could be argued that humans would be even more prolific than they are to day if there was no institution of marriage.
Marriage must never be just equated with just sexual relations. If marriage and sexual union were one and the same thing, then the Bible would not speak out about illicit sex. Adultery would not be a sin, but an informal type of bigamy or polygamy. Some say that adultery itself dissolves marriage, because a new marriage is formed. They indicate that marriage in that context is dissolved in God's view. However, Christian's do not support that position from Biblical grounds. The notion that the marriage is consummated on the honeymoon when the couple first engages in sexual relations, and not when the vows are taken is totally foreign to the teachings in Scripture. The Christian perspective teaches that a marriage is consummated when the man and woman exchange their vows before God, and each other. It is at that time that they enter into a covenant relationship. Adultery on the other hand, may create a great deal of stress on a marriage, but it does not dissolve it. Thus, sexual relations do not make or break a marriage. It is not necessary or proper for a couple to re-marry if forgiveness is sought and obtained by a guilty spouse, and the couple decides to continue to live together. They are still married, and it is only forgiveness that is necessary by the spouse that was not involved in the act.
A True Picture of Marriage
God tells man why He made marriage an institution in Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.(NKJV)" In other words, the reason for marriage was to solve the problem of loneliness. Marriage was established, because Adam was alone, and that was not good. Therefore, it is companionship that is the essence of marriage.
God's fundamental evaluation of the single life is that it is "not good" or at least for most people it is not a satisfactory situation. However, sin has so distorted society, and human being's in their relationship with God, and to one another, that some people have chosen to live lonely single lives. God has also called some to be exceptions to the rule of marriage, and provided for their need of companionship by giving them a special gift so that they are able to live a single life. These conditions are indicated in Matt.19:11-12, and 1Cor.7:7. These verses indicate that there are also people that God has singled out for himself in a life of celibacy for the sake of His Kingdom.
The book of Matthew 19:3-9 talks about divorce, where Jesus tells them that adultery is the only permissible grounds for divorce among believers. At that point the disciples asked Jesus if it would be better not marry, because if marriage was that permanent then it might be better not to marry, rather than have the risk of marrying the wrong person. However, Jesus replied in Mat 19:11 ... "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:(NKJV)" Thus, it is clear from this response that there are exceptions to the rule given in Genesis 2:18, 24. Celibacy is a gift from God, and it is clear that he made this exception to His rule.
It is interesting to note that this gift is never explained in any detail, but it is obvious that it provides a means for the individual to find some sort of replacement for the companionship of a mate. Celibacy usually implies a special role in God's kingdom for which some people have been called. This is indicated in Mat 19:12 "For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it (NKJV)." The latter part of the verse indicates that these single people have been gifted with the capacity to live fulfilling lives by becoming deeply involved in the work of the Lord in ways that would not be possible for a married person. This is indicated in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord; how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world; how he may please his wife.34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world; how she may please her husband. (NKJV)"
It is clear that who ever has been given this ability to live in celibacy, must exercise it, for God does not give useless gifts. On the other hand, those that have the gift for being married as indicated in 1Cor.7:7 need to prepare for marriage and seek it, and in a similar manner those that have the gift to live a single life need to prepare and pursue it. In fact those that are intended to be married, and deliberately avoid it are courting sin. Each person needs to search for his gifts, and then exercise them once they have been discovered. Single Christians should not be looked down upon by those that have been married. The Apostle Paul and J.N. Darby, and many other Christian stalwarts had the gift to remain single, and devoted their lives to the preaching of God's word. It is noteworthy to recall that the role of marriage in Genesis 2:18 was given prior to sin.
God designed most people so that they would be lonely without an intimate companion with whom to live. For example, God provided Eve to Adam not just as a helper, but also as his companion. The companionship aspect of marriage is also maintained in Proverbs 2:17 "Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. (NKJV)" The concept of marriage as companionship is also revealed in Mal 2:14 "Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. (NKJV)" A companion is one that a person is intimately united with in thoughts, goals, efforts, and in the case of marriage, in bodies. In Proverbs the husband is called the companion, and in Malachi, it is the wife. For both members of their entrance into marriage should mean to desire to meet each other's need for companionship. Love in a marriage focuses upon giving one's spouse the companionship to eliminate loneliness.
Unfortunately in this modern world, some women attempt to counteract loneliness by substituting their children for their husband's. In a similar manner, a husband may try to engross themselves in their work. Both error greatly in such efforts. The husband and wife must put one and other first, before all others, and all activities. Only in that way will children be free to leave home without any heartache when that time comes.
The Bible has made provisions for divorce, even though some may not think that there are no such provisions. For example, Joseph, who was a just man was not condemned for considering divorcing Mary. God hates divorce, but Malachi 2:16 tells us that statement is not to be taken absolutely. This must be because sin in the world makes divorce inevitable, and there are provisions for it. For instance: Jeremiah 3:8 says: "Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce;(NKJV)" If God had Himself become involved in divorce proceedings with Israel, then it is surely wrong to condemn all divorce. Thus, there are some situations where divorce is proper, and not the object of God's hatred.
God hates the results from divorce that often extend to children, and other injured parties. However, that did not stop Him from allowing the men in Israel to divorce their gentile wives in Ezra 10:44. God does hate divorce that has been obtained for invalid reasons that He has not sanctioned. Some Christians treat divorced Christians as if they committed an unpardonable sin. However, is a sin just like any other sin, and it is forgivable. The sin of divorce on unbiblical grounds is bad not only because of the misery that it causes, but especially because it is an offense against a holy God. Nevertheless, it must be remembered that the blood of Jesus Christ is sufficient to wash away all sins. Indeed, it is note worthy to consider, that in the lists of heinous sins that are mentioned in the Bible in such places as 1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Gal. 5:19-21; Revel. 22:15, etc., which include such things as slander, drunkenness, idolatry, murder, and homosexuality, there is not a single mention of the sin of unlawful divorce. Many believers today do not have a balanced view of sin, and they tend to give importance to a few items that favor their particular bias, and avoid any comment on those sins that may pertain to them.
Origin of Divorce
No one knows the origin of divorce, except that it is a human institution, and not part of God's plan for society. Furthermore, all divorces are caused by sin, but not all divorces are sinful. For example, there is the mixed marriage between a believer and the unbeliever. The Bible allows such a divorce after every attempt had been made by the believer to maintain the marriage to the unbelieving spouse. However, if the unbelieving spouse adamantly refused to continue the marriage, they are required not to stand in the way of a divorce according to 1 Corinthians 7:15. The divorce is reluctantly granted after all attempts to avert it have failed. The effect of such a divorce is to free the believer of all marriage obligations. The divorced unbeliever is not free to remarry another person of their choice.
Fornication and Adultery
Some people use these words interchangeably. However, fornication refers to sexual sin of any and all who do it, but adultery is unfaithfulness to one's marriage partner. The writers of Scripture used the Greek word "porneia" to describe sexual sin in general, and in the Bible it has been used in the case of incest in 1Corinthians 5:1; as homosexuality in Jude 7, and as adultery in Jeremiah 3:1-2,6,8. In the latter case an adulteress was delivered because of her fornication. The interesting thing about the word adultery is that it always has reference to more than just sexual sin. When that word is used, the marriage covenant is always in view. Adultery refers to the violation of the covenant companionship by the introduction of another party into the picture. The third party appears on the scene in order to provide companionship of the other spouse. In both Matthew 5 and 19 Jesus gives permission to divorce a spouse based upon the violation of the act of sexual sin or "porneia." Why does Jesus focus on the act? It is because He wants to cover all possibilities. Fornication covers incest, bestiality, homosexuality, and lesbianism as well as adultery. If only adultery was mentioned, then its focus would have been too narrow. Most contemporary translations interpret the word "porneia" with words such as "sexual sin", and thereby avoid much of the confusion. America has the highest divorce rate in the world. Apparently, for most Americans the lure of divorce is that it appears that to offer the simplest solution to a complex mass of problems. Unfortunately, superficial appearances can be deceiving.
History of Divorce
Historically, people have not had an easy access to divorce. In earlier times, when Judeo-Christian principles formed the basis of laws, and of personal morality, divorce was reserved only for exceptional cases. For centuries, it was almost impossible to obtain a legal divorce in most western countries. In 1857 Great Britain allowed for a legal termination of marriage under certain circumstances. Individual states in America soon added similar provisions to their own laws. In time, those laws gradually became less stringent, which resulted in growing numbers of Americans turning to divorce as their means of eliminating an undesirable marriage. However, the rules changed dramatically in 1970 when the state of California introduced the "no fault" divorce. This provision required only that both the husband and wife agreed before the court that their marriage was irretrievably broken. Once those conditions were accepted, then the subsequent arrangements and property settlements could be worked out privately, and upon completion the court would certify the settlement.
The new no fault law was heralded as a major breakthrough. Marriage councilors, ministers, psychologists, and other professionals declared that the divorce rate would plummet once the no fault provision took effect, because the issue of guilt would have no meaning on the settlement. A well known divorce attorney of the time referred to it as the "grass always seems greener" perception, and assumed that this law would help cure the quarreling of many adults that were trying to end their marriage1. It was believed by some that once people realized that the courts would no longer take sides, and provide some type of moral victory or vindication of the motives, that there would no longer be a need for a judicial decision. Presumably, adults would realize that they have to act like grown up people, and workout their problems without resorting to the judge for a verdict for their differences. These so called experts, imagined that reconciliation between disenchanted partners would increase, since no fault divorce would not resolve the issue of who was right or wrong in the marriage. History has proven that these experts could not have been more wrong. After the passage of this law, the divorce rates in California soared, and other states that followed the lead of that liberal state, experienced the same type of results. Since 1980 there have been approximately 2.4 million marriages each year, and roughly half as many divorces granted during the period of time or about 1.2 million annually.
References Cited
1. Barna, George. The Future of the American Family. Moody Press, 1993. p. 42
2. Ibid. p. 43