Chapter 10
The Process of Aging
After the age of 40 most people begin to develop aches and pains, and there is a slow, but constant visible decline in their general status of health. Most people are afraid to even think about old age, and they will do anything they can to prevent it. Many pharmaceutical companies have been conducting research in ways to prolong human life, and slow down the aging process. In ancient Rome, life expectancy was only 25 years, but it slowly increased so that by the time the pilgrims came to America it was around 40 years of age. In 1900, the U.S. Census Bureau indicated that life expectancy in this country had increased to about 47 years. Today of course, it is much more. For 1999, the life expectancy of both male and female averages to about 76 years, the male life expectancy being about 73 years, and the female, about 80.
All people need to consider how prepared they are to meet the challenge of aging. Do they feel a deep anxiety and fear about old age? A spirit filled Christian usually has complete joy and hope to look forward to in their aging. Aging is a natural process, and it was designed by God to be that way. All living things on earth, whether they are plants or animals, experience the process. However, unlike animals, the aging process of humans requires careful planning, and a spiritual approach. When people are young, strong and healthy, they do not see any reason to be concerned about old age. The feeling is that they will let the older folks worry about it. Furthermore, most people always think that diseases and accidents happen to someone else.
The process of learning begins at birth, and so should the process of growing physically and mentally. There are some basic rules that one must respect and practice, in order to be in good health. The proper diet, exercise, and good sleeping habits are basics, and very important. However, they are not enough in themselves. It is just as important that a person is also mentally prepared to be able to accept in a positive and realistic attitude, all the changes that aging brings, because life is a constant change, and it requires adaptability. Science is doing its part to help us live longer and more comfortably, but we must also do our part to make aging a more pleasant and enjoyable experience.
Every season of life has its charm and beauty, but it also has its difficulties and handicaps. Therefore, it is important to learn to appreciate the season of life that you are in, and live it as fully as possible, and don't envy the age or abilities of other people. It is so much more important to pursue the advantages of your own age, rather than lamenting over its pitfalls and disadvantages. It is obvious that a person can not do today what they did 10 or 20 years ago, and they will not be able to do in 10 or 20 years what they are able to do today.
The art of aging with dignity goes hand in hand with emotional maturity. One often hears the expression of maturity and "old age" used by many when talking about senior citizens. Unfortunately, it is sad that many people never attain much wisdom with their old age. As time passes, people should increase in wisdom as they mature. Therefore, elderly persons should let others benefit from what they have learned through the experiences of their lifetime. The Bible provides some sound advice on how to enjoy old age, and avoid the pain of being lonely. Therefore, just for that reason alone it is a good book for everyone to read. For example, the apostle Paul gave some instructions to Titus concerning older men in Titus 2:2-5. " That the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. (NKJV)"
Death should no longer be an enemy to fear for the spirit filled Christian. There are two main reasons that a Christian need not fear death. First, they know that having accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, they will spend all eternity with Him. Secondly, they know that when it is their time to leave this earth, that they have successfully completed the plan that God had designed for their life in this world, and that it has brought Him glory. Therefore, God's promise of the resurrection should fill the heart of the Christian with gratitude, and enable them to look forward to the future no matter what their existing handicaps of old age and sickness may be. It is important that both young and old people must constantly keep in mind the purpose of life, and the promise of eternal life that we have been given through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The Bible assures us that life does not end at death. It tells us that every human being will be resurrected, some for eternal happiness, and others for eternal suffering. At the rapture, when the trumpet sounds, the dead in Christ will be raised and living Christians will be transformed. And we shall always be with our Lord Jesus Christ.
One's life becomes complete only when that person reaches the end of his/her life cycle. That life span could be measured from a grandchild to a grandparent, which is the ultimate fulfillment of God's design for an individual. A full life will not be complete and blessed without the interaction of grandparents. There are some interesting examples of this in the Bible. One of these is the example given in Hebrews 11:9. "By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; (NKJV)" It is interesting to note the difference in lifestyles of the two brothers Esau and Jacob. Esau was selfish and wicked, and spent much time hunting and other pursuits he desired. On the other hand, Jacob spent his childhood with his father and grandfather and learned the plan and purpose of God. A student of history knows that it was the descendants of Jacob that became the most prosperous and formed the nation of Israel, which in past history, and even more so today has become a wonder in the eyes of the world. In contrast the descendants of Esau also form a nation, but it proved only to be of mediocre importance in the history of the world. According to the book of Genesis in 21:5; 25:7, 26, Abraham's grandsons, Esau and Jacob were only fifteen years old when he died.
The Grandfather
This is grand name that stands for respect, security, strength, knowledge, and love. Whereas just saying the name Grandmother is sufficient to bring a flood of treasured memories for most of us. Today, there are about 60 million grandparents in the U.S.A., and that number is growing fast. Half of the adults aged 45 to 59, and 83% of those aged 60 and older, are grandparents1. By 2005 there may be as many as 76 million grandparents, which would be a 26% increase from 19922. Proverbs 17:6 tells us that "Children's children are a crown to the aged, (NIV)."
Unfortunately, at the present time, many grandparents have had their crowns tarnished as they witness the breakdown in young families, and the excruciating pain and loss endured by their grandchildren. Today's modern world of decaying moral standards has greatly increased the importance of grandparents in helping to maintain the stability of our society. In many cases this has resulted in a great responsibility, and burden on them in their senior years. More than one million children in America are being raised by their grandparents. And by the year 2000 that number is expected to rise to around 14-15 million3. Countless other thousands of grandparents are bringing back into their homes the pieces of broken families or are in some other way providing financial assistance, transportation, food and other vital necessities to their children and grandchildren. Many others are grappling with the loss and pain that comes with divorce, bad habits, stress, drugs, and many other tragedies resulting from poor choices, and other circumstances in the lives of their adult children.
Before the second World War, grandparents were usually available in times of trouble or sorrow. During the war, grandparents often took jobs in factories, shipyards, and offices as their sons and some daughters served in their country in the military. In the 1950's people used to go to church, at least on Sundays, and divorce was a nasty word, and abortion was a disgrace, and many thought that the family unit was unbreakable. In the 1960's the morality of the nation changed dramatically for the worst. God was expelled from schools, and the "free love" type of mentality ruled that period. The 1970's brought an epidemic of substance abuse and a deeper erosion of family values. Throughout the 1980's, America's grandparents witnessed a decade of greed, lack of commitment, and perverted life styles. All of these cancerous trends have continued, and intensified into the 1990's. This national cancer has now been in an advanced stage of metastasis for some time, and one wonders just how much life there remains in this country or the entire world that has been infected by the same plague.
Current Social Trends
Drug and alcohol abuse has invaded even Christian homes, and has left the lives of grandchildren in great jeopardy. This is witnessed by the fact that more than 70% of marriages fail today. Homosexuals have also gained acceptance, and some power in today's society, which threatens the God ordained family. Young grandparents are accepting the responsibility of raising infants born to teenage daughters and sons. Furthermore, there is a continuing rise in the shameful child abuse statistics every year, and yet still many go unreported. There is also a noticeable increase in the number of incidences of young parent's committing suicide, being imprisoned, suffering from mental illness, and death by accidents. These are some of the things that have lead the list of trends affecting grandparents and grandchildren. The contact between grandparents and their grandchildren has also been broken down from divorce, remarriage or the death of a parent.
The Critical Role of the Grandparents
Grandparents are part of the central core of the family. They are partners with parents in teaching the plan of salvation to their grandchildren. They are the family historians, holding the keys to learning about the family roots and experiences for the generations to come. They also provide a safe refuge for grandchildren during times of trouble. Finally, grandparents represent a sense of stability to young families that are dealing with change.
God's Plan for Grandparents
The Old Testament provides some interesting insight on this matter in Deuteronomy 4:9 "Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren, (NKJV)" The first part of the message here to grandparents says to be careful, and watch yourself closely. It is meant to emphasize the seriousness of the things that grandparents need to learn about themselves, and about life in general. This is a revelation to some grandparents that have never considered themselves as a central portion of the family structure.
All Christian grandparents have provided their grandchildren with many heartwarming memories of the blessings that we have received from God's grace during our lives. The grandchildren have witnessed their hard work, love, forgiveness, and so much more that is their privilege to pass on to their future children. Grandparents are intended to teach their grandchildren, perhaps not as a professor, but in their own unique ways, with their God given gifts and methods, which are meant for the family. Thus, Deuteronomy 4:9 is meant as a mandate for grandparents that cannot be ignored. Another meaningful passage on this subject is found in Psalms 103:17 " But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children's children, (NKJV)"
The differences between grandfathers' and grandmothers' roles in the family structure can be very important, and they often compliment one another. For example, it is generally accepted that grandmothers are the nurturers, peacemakers, and sympathizers, while the grandfathers are the advisors and storytellers; although, that may not be the case in all homes.
There is one thing that all grandparents must be cognizant of, and that is that they must not usurp the authority of the parents. When children marry, the authority structure of the family changes. A new chain of command is formed, and the grandparents become a source of council. If a grandchild seeks the council of a grandparent, it is important that the grandparent know that he/she first sought their parents advice, and learn what that advice was. This is a useful and important rule to follow in all areas as grandparents help in guiding the young ones in a family. It is just following the chain of command in the family sphere.
Individual Dealings
Every child is unique before God. Some grandparents have a tendency to lump their grandchildren together like apples and oranges. When that happens, grandparents can miss out on the remarkable individuality of every child. It is a joy to watch each grandchild learn and grow in his/her own way and at his/her own rate. However, there is also the possibility that grandparents can spoil their grandchildren, and that is often against the wishes of their parents. It is not just the buying of things that causes problems. Spoiling of grandchildren often occurs when the grandparents give in to easy to their wishes, or make plans behind the parents back or asking a child "not to tell", or send confusing signals to a child, etc. Favoritism by a grandparent is a dangerous trait. It is understandable that one grandchild might steal a grandparents heart, but it important not to show that feeling in order to protect the emotions, and well being of the other siblings.
Children's duty toward Parents
There is one responsibility concerning individuals that counselors, pastors, and teachers do not speak about. This absence is equally apparent in bookstores that have a wide variety of books on dealing with various types of family problems. However, in such stores, there will be no books dealing with the senior citizen problems, and the responsibility of the grandchildren to the grandparents.
Parents sacrifice their entire life for their children and family. As they begin to age there is a subtle fear that begins to make its presence known. That fear has to do with who will take care of them when they become old and feeble, and their health fails. This sense of fear seems to be more prevalent in western cultures. Eastern cultures automatically assume the care of their elders. Loneliness is a severe problem in old age. Often such senior citizens are in nursing homes, and only visited by their children once in a while. This makes them miserable and depressed. Therefore, it is our solemn duty irrespective of cultural and geographic differences to provide all the needs of our parents. It is much better if they can spend their last days with one of their children.
References Cited
1. Endicott, Irene M. Grandparenting. Nashville, Tennessee: Broadman & Holman Publsihers, 1994. p. 28
2. Ibid. p. 28
3. Ibid. p. 25