CHAPTER 8
Sex is by far the single most important problem in marriage. If this area of marriage is not healthy, there is little chance that the marriage as a whole will be satisfactory to either couple. Consequently, sexual communication in marriage is imperative. God's regulations regarding marriage apply to the sexual dimensions as well as other aspects. However, the Bible is not a sex manual. Many have come to the erroneous conclusion that God regards sex as evil, because the Biblical sexual ethic is stated so strictly, and the penalties are so severe. Throughout the history of the church, some have expounded the notion that sex within marriage is merely tolerated by God for the sake of procreation. However, those interpretations radically distort the Biblical view of sex. Many improper ideas about sex came from the pagan influences. To prove that sexual union is sinful even between husband and wife, some preachers misquote the Bible. One of my Indian friends told me that his priest was speaking about sexual union as sin quoting Psalm 51:5. David says, "Behold I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me." Some priests are ignorant in hermeneutics, that is the methodological principles of interpretation and explanation. Here, even an attentive and keen reading can eliminate the problem. Unfortunately, many people, after a superfluous reading, concoct and distort the true meaning. In Psalm 51:5, David acknowledges the fact that human beings are sinful from the moment of conception (universal fall of humanity). Romans 5:12 corroborates this point. "Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all have sinned." Again, apostle Paul shares the same view of David in Romans 7:17-18. "But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me [in my flesh] nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find."
So, from scripture we know that David was speaking about the universal sin, nothing else. Furthermore, Hebrews 13:4 reads, "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
"Nakedness is a natural condition of man, because we are born that way into the physical world. However, the newborn child is soon covered in various types of garments, and since man was expelled from the Garden of Eden, society requires that we cover our nakedness. Nevertheless, people have an innate, and driving curiosity, which is often in part based upon fantasy concerning the naked physical appearance of other human bodies, especially of the opposite sex. Take for example, the man that has gone to extremes, and become a slave to lust, for whom one stripper or one photograph of a nude woman is never enough. Yet the desirous passion derived from the vision of the naked flesh of the opposite sex is an attraction from a perfectly natural and healthy curiosity. It is healthy, because the Lord himself made us curious, and he also designed the human body to be attractive to us. It is God who has given the naked body its shining glory and who has done so for the sole purpose of making it a marvelous harbinger of His own infinitely more lustrous glory" (Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage. Portland, Oregon: Multnomah Press. 1985. p. 115).
There is another aspect to the wonder of flesh, another facet of its glory, and that is the incarnation. It is important to realize that not only have human beings been made in image like God, but He also has not been ashamed to become one of us, and to be born physically into this world. No matter how deformed or unsightly our body may be, in the blazing light of the incarnation it is revealed, simply by association with the Lord Jesus, to be holier than anything else in the material universe.
The human body possesses a glory that is unique in all the earth, and it is in the peculiar exposure of nakedness that it is most obvious, most tantalizing and revealing. Human nakedness exposes something otherwise normally uncovered, and reveals to our eyes, and to our souls which cannot be seen anywhere else. Human beings are, after all, the only creatures that are self-conscious of their nakedness. For in everything else, whether animate or inanimate, nakedness is axiomatic. Trees may be clothed in their splendor, mountains may be covered with winter snow, the sky may be clothed with clouds or the sea wears a mantle of light. However, man alone puts an artificial covering over his body. Everything else stands stark, staring naked in the sight of God and is not ashamed.
What is it that makes human nakedness different from all other conditions of nakedness? Why all the embarrassment and secrecy? We do not look at trees, grass, sky, rocks, rivers or even other animals with embarrassment or shame. The mystery of shame has its origin with evil and sin. The Book of Genesis traces the history of both clothing and human wickedness back to a common origin. The discovery of sin and recognition of nakedness appear to have been one and the same event. The Bible tells us that Before the Fall in Genesis 2:25 "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.(NIV)" However, after tasting the forbidden fruit, Genesis 3:7 explains what happened "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.(NIV)" The implication is clear. We do not wear clothes just to protect ourselves from inclement weather, but because of the sin that was caused in the Garden of Eden. Even the finest silk clothing covers the body from sight, and is a sign and a reminder that man is an unholy fugitive, in hiding from God and from his own fellow humans. Only the godless and the immature go naked. Exposure of ones body in a personal encounter is like the telling of one's deepest secret, afterwards there is no going back. It is, in effect, the very last step in human relations, and therefore never one to be taken lightly.
Although Adam and Eve were banished from Eden, the first couple was not banished from their marriage bed. One of the most fundamental and important tasks that has been entrusted to marriage is the work of reclaiming the body for the Lord. Marriage permits a couple to make pure, and clean, and holy again, that which had been trampled in the mud of shame. Many artists through the ages have engaged in the work of recovering some of the beauty, sanctity and nobility of the naked body. But what they have attempted to do with paint, husbands and wives do with their own bodies in an unparalleled living canvas of personal risk and commitment. It is the union of the man and woman together that produces a new image for the glory of God. In some ways this is more profound than either of them standing alone, because it glorifies God's method of creation for mankind to reproduce his kind. Sexual intercourse was part of the original design pattern that God prepared when he made man. It is part of the original condition of humanity as it first emerged from the dust, freshly formed from the Lord's hand. When it comes to the beauty of flesh, husbands and wives are in a privileged position, because they can see and enjoy each other's body through love and sacrifice.
Why did Satan attack the institution of marriage? Imagine what anguish it must have caused Satan to have to stand aside, and watch as a married couple discovered real pleasure, and closeness and love with each other, in territory which he desired to control. The free and loving exchange of gratification, derived from the physical union that takes place with nakedness between a husband and wife, is one of the ways that the divine ordinance of marriage can actually bring about the reverse of the curse of original sin. Marriage is a direct attack on the original sin. It defeats and heals the shame of nakedness by directly confronting it on the safe and holy ground of a covenant relationship with God. For a husband and wife to be naked together is like rays of sunlight illuminating their souls. A couple needs to be able to see in nakedness what God intended them to see in it, the glory of His presence in the world, the highest expression of what He himself represented in the physical world. It is the very form that He assumed when He visited the earth in person. When it is perceived that nakedness is as close as most people will ever get to seeing God in the flesh, the human body is the natural (as opposed to supernatural) expression of God's glory in this world. Only then can one begin to understand that sex is the closest thing to touching creation, which came from Him.
The husband and wife relationship is also holy. In union, the husband and wife give and surrender their bodies each other. Marriage is the only weapon man possesses against the brutalizing passion, the pitiless and primitive energy of the mindless biological explosiveness of the raw sex drive. Problems in a sexual relationship may sometimes be overcome simply thorough a deeper knowledge of basic physiology or through the introduction of new techniques. However, such improvements will be short lived if they are not backed up by profound changes in attitude at the emotional and spiritual level. For sex is one of those mysteries which, like prayer, will not yield to just technique. Any approach with a view focused solely on technical mastery will be doomed from the start. More important than technique, a flourishing sex life really demands the loving gift of the self, the sincere devotion of the whole heart. Where this type of commitment is present, problems such as impotence, premature ejaculation or inability to achieve, orgasm will fade in to insignificance, and in time may well disappear. Only love can heal such problems. Where there are sexual problems in a marriage the answer is often found not with the physician, although such counsel has its place, but with God. What must a couple do in order to find fulfillment? They need to seek the Lord with their whole will, and rejoice in Christian fellowship. They need to spend time exclusively with each other, and collectively in heartfelt prayer. They also need to study of the word of God. When they have done these things, they will soon find their love life filled with a rich glow, and a mysterious new energy, which cannot be discovered through any worldly means. For as the Lord is the author of sex, so He is its interpreter, and it is His therapy which to be valued the most.
One Sexual Partner Within Marriage – Sex Only With One Man or Woman
God has created sexual intimacy in a unique way which must be practiced between husband and wife only. But today’s promiscuous society has destroyed the meaning, purpose and sanctity of sex. Today’s society condones premarital sex in the name of compatibility. Sex has become like a merchandise. In America, when we buy a car, we usually test drive the car. Similarly, the men and women of today’s society "test drive" the relationship. Definitely more than one sex partner in one’s life would destroy the original intended joy in the sex life. Just like too many cooks spoil the broth, too many sexual partners spoil the bond, resulting in unglued relationships. One of the reasons God gave the gift of sex is to foster human relationship in perpetuity. A sexual relationship is not to give pleasure alone, but to build emotional intimacy. The more sexual partners one has before marriage, the greater the chance for divorce. Too many cooks spoil the food, and modern society is overserved. At the same time, this overserved society is the most isolated generation of all time.
Seeking perfection in a partner is a wild goose chase. No one who marries will ever find someone perfect. Marriage is based on love and companionship, not based on perfection. Those who date and study each other for compatibility in areas miserably fail to sustain a good relationship. Divorce is common in those groups.
Sex occupies a central place within marriage. The ignorance of sex has serious repercussions. There is sex everywhere, in films, television, the internet, newspapers and magazines. "A recent study shows that the average man thinks of sex some six times per hour" (Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, Kosher Sex. Doubleday, 1999. p. 21). Yet the only place where it is really absent is in the bedroom.
There are three distinct aspects of sex: pleasure, procreation, and oneness. Sex is the ultimate bonding process.
Pleasure People can engage in various types of fun activities like sports and different types of entertainment. If someone is playing video games all night, or watching movies, the morning will bring with it red eyes, headaches, and extreme fatigue. Sex is a completely different phenomenon. Husband and wife become closer, and the feeling is completely different than other types of entertainment. But if it is done as a duty or routine, it loses its importance.
Although modern society views sex as a source of fun, true love and sex is the ultimate level of relationships. What the Bible says about the first human coupling is, "Adam knew Eve." Prior to their sexual relations, they may have known each other externally. They know only each other’s revealed aspects. Their love reached of its zenith with physical intimacy. Only then they understood each other beneath the outer layers and peered through the windows of their souls. When we read that "Adam knew his wife," it means more than that they had been formally introduced. Nor is the Biblical writer just being polite when he uses the term. It is knowing in every sense of the word and at the heart of marriage. To be known and still be loved is one of the supreme goals of marriage.
Everybody talks about sexual compatibility. Many argue a couple must have sex before marriage to discover whether or not they are sexually suitable. What is even more preferable is for each to have sex with various partners before marriage in order to ensure that the person you will marry is tailor-made sexually. Different people have different sexual metabolisms. One person who enjoys sex all the time might end up marrying someone with little or no interest in sex. This opinion is defended and promoted by many people.
We must see sex as an exalted form of communication, where the participants are constantly measuring each other’s response. Sex must become a form of knowledge as in the Bible, which has no word for sex apart from knowledge. For animals, sex is just an act of impregnation. Sexual harmony which satisfies a husband and wife will help prevent adultery and divorce.
"The Danger of Premarital Sex"
The following quote is from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s Kosher Sex, page 148:
"Statistics show that the average man or woman goes through six serious relationships before they end up marrying. What this means is that they also break up at least six times before the finally commit. They will have endured harsh and sometimes unbearable pain at least six times before they settle down. Like a broken China dish that has been glued together after cracking, their heart has broken and mended several times."
Modern relationships, which really should be the greatest source of joy in a person’s life, usually become the greatest source of agony and pain. The main reason is our selfishness, and from a very early age, we design our own plans and expectations and try to change our partner. In this case, usually, relationships break down.
At every stage in our life, we are taught to make something of ourselves. We are taught to believe that if we marry young and have children, we will never realize our professional aspirations. Success means money, fame, a college degree and a good job. We glorify athletes and movie stars and singers as role models. We read about their high success and money. The fact is that most of them are divorced and married several times. Most of them lead a miserable life. At the same time, a hard worker who earns average salary who takes care of his family does not get any respect. But if someone is a chairman of a corporation who is married four times and with estranged children is considered to be a success. If young men and women do not learn to prioritize family life before their professional life prior to marriage, they will encounter more problems. The most important factor that decides our future is our willingness to learn and to change.
Physical and Mental Benefits of Lovemaking
Good normal sex has many benefits for the body and mind. Some of these benefits include the following: First, of course in the pleasure derived from sex, but only when it is derived from marriage. Any sex out of marriage will cause mental guilt, and could eventually affect the physical well being of the individual. In addition sexually transmitted diseases, of many different types, are spreading like plagues, because of sinful misuse of the sanctification of marriage. Many of these diseases are rapidly becoming resistant to antibiotic treatments, and some such as AIDS are fatal. "Sex is perhaps the best preventive health medicine there is", says Ted Mcllvenna, Ph.D., President of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco1. Studies show that a good love life can boost the immune system, stave off psychological problems, release tension and relieve pain. The healthier people's sex lives are, the healthier their bodies stay.
Increase Hormones and Bolsters Immune System
The "use it or loose it" adage may be sound advice, because frequent lovemaking helps, preserve sexual functioning. Having no sex for prolonged periods of time can cause various complications in women, whereas in men, abstaining from sex for too long can cause impotence. So the implication is that it is advantageous to maintain an active love life. Sex also increases hormonal production, especially in women. An increase in estrogen can include advantages such as stronger bones and a healthy cardiovascular system, smoother skin and elevated moods.
Studies show any pleasurable activity can increase the number, and effectiveness of cells in the immune system2. Solomon also had some interesting things to say about happiness. Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (NIV)" Depressed minds can create arthritis and degeneration of joints3.
Burn Calories
Some people believe having sex is the best form of exercise. The fact is, an active sex life offers aerobic types of benefits. According to reports, sex burns calories4. A 120 pound women for instance, uses about 250 calories per hour during sex, as compared to using 240 calories per hour playing double tennis5. Sex can also improve cardiovascular stamina6. Cardiovascular (aerobic) activity increases oxygen in the circulation system. During the sexual act, there is an increase in the rate of heart beats and pulse rate. After a climax, the bodily functions, and temperature return to normal.
A fulfilling sexual life uplifts a person's self worth. In a study comparing distressed and non-distressed couples, two researchers at the University of Kentucky proved that the more sexual activity a woman has in her relationship, the more highly she thinks of herself7. Both men and women benefit from a fulfilling sexual relationship by enjoying an increase in self worth. There is no doubt that experiencing sexual intimacy can result in a more confident and satisfied couple.
A good sex life also helps to banish stress. Studies show sex has relieved tension and help calm people when they are feeling stressed out. Stress causes an increase in the body's adrenaline. One of the aspects of sexuality is that it does lead to a way of resolving tension and provides calm and satisfaction.
Can sex reduce pain? During sex, the nervous system releases endorphins, which is a natural pain reliever that circulates throughout the body. Sex, in fact may offer relief to arthritis sufferers8. Some arthritis patients claim their pain is relieved for one to six hours after an orgasm. This may be due to sexual hormones that are released into the body, and cause something like a runner's high. Another hypothesis is that an orgasm blocks the pain receptors in the brain with a cortisone - like substance, reports James H. Gilbaugh M.D. author of Men's Private Parts.
Mutually satisfying sex also renews intimacy. Healthy relationships continue to change and grow. It is from sexual bonding that a couple explores and enjoys growth and renewal. Active sex also staves off insomnia. Many people have discovered this to be an effective and natural way to get rid of tension before going to sleep. A little romance may prove more to be more effective in promoting a person to fall asleep, than a glass of warm milk or turning on late night television. During sex, the brain produces endorphins in the body, that leave people relaxed which can have a calming and soothing effect especially after orgasm. According to research at IASHS, parents who enjoy sex are happier, more secure with their partners, and their children feel a great sense of security in the family9.
Satisfying sex also helps to relieve headaches. Sex may provide some relief for migraine and tension headaches, according to one study conducted by James Couch MD., PhD10. Others have found that sex helps to heal our bodies11. Sex after an illness can play an important role in the recovery process.
Others have noted that gratifying sex also has a tendency to make a person's complexion glow. When a person is happy, such as during sex their circulation is improved, and they get the so called "glow", and facial muscles also relax, says Jerome Litt, M.D. assistant clinical professor of dermatology at Case Western Reserve University School of medicine in Cleveland12. Furthermore, the sexual act also promotes stress-relieving benefits that can go straight to the skin. Stress is one of the known causes of acne. Thus the physical relief derived from sex may help to clear up acne, and prevent future skin eruptions.
Many people even claim that a fulfilling sex life increases longevity. The consensus of many is that a healthy, active sex life stalls, and prevents age-related physical and psychological problems. Fulfilling sex nourishes mind and body. Holistically speaking, sexual intimacy can help maintain a healthy mind and body. Good sex not only makes people feel better physically, but it can also uplift their spirits and boost positive thinking.
A successful married sex life requires that both the husband and wife participate equally, and communicate freely with one another. In eastern cultures, women usually take a passive role in a marriage, and leave all the responsibility on the shoulders of men. Men are more aggressive, and generally take active initiation in sexual performance. A wife that is passively in a vegetative state will not bring any mutual satisfaction in their sexual life.
A host of sexual problems can plague a marriage. Only the most important ones will be covered in this discussion. Female frigidity can be a serious problem, especially in the long term aspect of a marriage. There is no simple definition for female frigidity, as there are different forms and levels of it. But in all of its manifestations, frigidity involves a kind of sexual paralysis. The woman is inhibited and robbed from the full and free expression of her sexuality. The term "Frigid' stems from the idea of being frozen or locked in a state of no response. The word also carries the implication of being cold, rather than burning with passion. Unfortunately, some women may take pride in them themselves, by thinking that they are keeping themselves undefiled by restraining their emotions. Such a problem needs to be treated. If anyone feels proud about this type of restraint, he needs to repent.
Male Impotency
Recently on a television show, many of the women in that show expressed their dismay with the sexual performance of men in this modern age. One woman said, "there are no real men any more." Male impotency has reached an alarming stage all over the world. Male impotency is a problem that can be found in may forms and levels of intensity. Impotency is usually related to the inability of a man to have or sustain an erection so as to be able to engage in intercourse. It is also associated with the problem of premature ejaculation during intercourse. If the entire process of copulation is completed within 5 or 10 minutes, then this short duration for the act is probably a sign of impotency, in the form of premature ejaculation.
In many cases the dominant factor in male impotency is insecurity. What women desperately need to realize is that the male ego is one of the most fragile instruments of God's creation. Though men have a tendency to exhibit a great act of masculine strength, underneath all the bravado, they are very vulnerable to sexual insecurity. Some men with a big moustache that boast about their past heroic deeds, are actually sexual cowards. The male who exhibits a reputation for being a lady-killer, may be a very insecure man in other respects with women. These types of men have a psychological need to have many conquests, so that they can convince themselves, and others, that they are masculine men. This type of character display is actually a very subtle form of impotency. Remember, barking dogs won't bite even though they sound ferocious. Most doctors and sexologists neglect the greatest cause of premature ejaculation. My personal experience in counseling many men with this problem over the past 30 years has led me to the conclusion that the primary cause of premature ejaculation is as a result of masturbation.
Masturbation as an Unnatural form of Self Abuse
Almost all sex manuals today, encourage masturbation as a satisfactory way of enhancing ones sexuality, and overcoming any sexual frustrations that you may be experiencing. Most of these advocates following Kinsey, and define masturbation as "self stimulation which is deliberate and designed to effect erotic arousal." Kinsey clearly demonstrated the widespread prevalence of masturbation among men, and convincingly argued that it produced no ill effects. As Kinsey and his colleagues put it "Every conceivable ill from pimples to insanity, including stooped shoulders, loss of weight, fatigue, insomnia, general weakness, loss of manly vigor, weak eyes, digestive upsets, stomach ulcers, impotence feeble mindedness, genital cancer, mental illness and the rest was ascribed to masturbation13." However, modern medicine has proved those beliefs to be not true. Kinsey reported that 92% of men surveyed had masturbated at some time in their lives, many of them while they were married. He also reported that 75% of the men he interviewed ejaculated within two minutes of beginning intercourse. My personal investigation on the subject of masturbation reveals that the main cause of premature ejaculation is the result of excessive masturbation. My studies focus over a 15-year period and consist of approximately 400 men. Most of today's generation does not feel any guilt from performing this act. However, they never get a real sense of fulfillment or satisfaction, as would be the case of sex in the confinement of marriage. The real causes of premature ejaculation are not well understood. Yet there are solutions to the problem.
Causes of Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation can be a learned behavior. When adolescent boys first experiment with sexual feelings and behaviors, it is often something they are afraid of being caught doing. If a boy is in the bedroom or bathroom masturbating, and wondering when some one is going to knock on the door, sex can become nonrelational with a focus on attaining a climax as quickly as possible. When a boy does this consistently, a pattern of habit is established that causes them to satisfy this urge as quickly as possible. This habit could eventually lead to a premature ejaculation pattern. These habits can then be carried in to the marriage, and manifest themselves while making love. However, premature ejaculation can also be an outcome of emotional tension. A husband may be too anxious or feel pressured in some way, which could interfere with his control. It is also possible that if the man is worried about climaxing too quickly, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Controversy of Masturbation
The Bible contains no direct reference to masturbation. However, there are some broad biblical principles that could apply to this subject. For instance, in I Corinthians 6:12 Paul says " All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. (NKJV)" This is an important principle. It means that even those things that are right must not be allowed to get a set hold over a Christian so that they become his master, and he becomes their servant.
Many young people become trapped by this habit. Children begin maturing around 11, 12 or 13 years of age. Fever people are getting married as early as before, so the unmarried period during which this desire is strongest has been lengthened, causing intensified difficulty. The more they engage in masturbation, the more they depend upon it, and the more they feed it. They are caught up in a vicious circle. Everywhere women dress provocatively because that is what this society dictates. These conditions make it exceedingly difficult upon young men.
Masturbation in itself may not be sin, but it has the capacity to become sin. The second and most important biblical principle that is found on this subject is found in Matthew 5: 27-28. There Jesus said that: Mat 5:27-28 "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.'28"But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (NKJV)" In a very young child masturbation may be only exploratory, but before long it gets involved in fantasizing about sexual relations with imagined partners. As previously noted, Jesus said that this is sin. Adultery of the heart, He said, is just like hatred, which is murder in the heart. To kill with a knife or a gun is not the only way to become guilty of murder before God. It may be better for the victim because he does not die. However, if one murders him in the their imagination, is not any better for the murderer, in the sight of God. The same holds true for adultery. One's sexual capacity does not exist just for them self. God has provided one's sexuality to be shared, and for the benefit of their lawful partner. Self-directed sex therefore, constitutes an improper use of one's own sexuality. Used in this manner, masturbation is not a biblically accepted form of the release of sexual tension.
There are a number of fallacies about men, and their sexual anatomy, as well as their sexual responsiveness that have been badly distorted by locker room or construction crew jokes and ignorance. Perhaps the most frequently made distortions relate to penis size. The assumption that the larger a man's penis, the better he will be able to satisfy a woman just isn't true. This fallacy may have caused a few women to cross even ethnic boundaries to marry men with a presumably larger penis. Extensive premarital experiences by some, as an attempt to find the ideal mate, has never achieved a fulfilling sexual life for most of those couples. It is impossible to evaluate the penis size of a man simply by looking at the body size. Most small and healthy people have a very successful and fulfilling sexual life. Furthermore, most women don't gain the majority of their sexual satisfaction from a deeper penetration of the penis into the vagina. Women tend to be most responsive to general sensors body caressing and various kind of stimulation of sensitive areas. "The penis generally has only 1-2 inches of primary contact with the walls of the vagina during intercourse. During sexual arousal the vagina changes from a collapsed, to a cylindrical passageway. The inner or upper two thirds of the vagina expands, and the lower third thickens and tightens up due to vasocongestion (blood rushing in to fill up the tissues, similar to a man's erection). The lower third, which is 1-2 inches in to vagina, becomes highly responsive to sexual stimulation, and is the only area of contact the vagina has with the penis" (Clifford & Joyce Penners, The Gift of Sex. Word Publishing, 1981. p. 70).
Just, as the length of man's penis has little or nothing to do with its effectiveness during sexual intercourse, neither does the circumference or thickness of the penis have any importance for sexual performance. The woman's PC muscle can tighten so as to completely close the opening of the vagina. Therefore, a even a thin penis can still have firm sensation, and receive pressure from within the vagina. The muscular nature of the vagina is also such that it can expand to allow the passage of a new born baby through it, so there is no need to worry about a penis being too large, either in length or in circumference. The fear of a man's penis being too large is usually experienced by women rather than men14.
Becoming "One Flesh"
What is meant by the joining of two people of opposite sex so as to form "one flesh"? It is becoming "one flesh" as the Hebrews saw it. It involved the uniting of the spirits, emotions, and bodies of the two individuals so as to make another. All three are necessary to a satisfying relationship. Sex that is just a union of physical bodies cannot be a fulfilling communion experience. God intended this union to be much more than just a physical release of tension. Spending time together enables two people to mesh in a special type of binding. Having been together, they will be more likely to acquire a sense of each other's feelings. However, meshing may take more effort, care and tenderness when the participants have come from separate and different locations or cultures. They may need to spend more time conversing with one another, and learning about each other's worlds. If one of the partners has concerns that are difficult to put aside, it may help to share these with each other, and in prayer with God. There may be particular joys, accomplishments, and excitements of the day that one would wish to praise God for together as a way of being one. What you have experienced in your day will affect the time, and effort needed to feel together in each sexual experience. It may be necessary to tackle some barriers before the two of you feel free with each other. It is also possible that one member of the couple may have some negative feelings toward the other that have not been resolved. These are things that would need to be discussed.
There may also be some aesthetic or physical barriers that may stand in the way of true oneness between two individuals. Some people are repelled by bad breath, body odors, or a certain aspect of the other partner's appearance, and it may be difficult to discuss these problems. If there is something physical about a partner that makes it difficult for the other to feel and be attracted to become one with them, it is best to share it. Heavy smokers and people who don't maintain their gum and teeth will have very bad breath. It is imperative to brush one's teeth at least twice a day, once at nighttime. Using floss and mouth wash will prevent gum disease and other problems. Taking a bath before going to bed will give a person a refreshing sense of vigor. A couple should be able to come up with a loving way to communicate a need to do something to reverse an interfering negative aspect of the other. Wearing different clothes and different hairstyles may give some a more positive feeling about appearance. There is no doubt that communication is the key for maximizing marital happiness.
References Cited
1. "Let's Live" - Medicine Magazine. January 1995. p. 36
2. Ibid. p. 36
3. Ibid. p. 36
4. Ibid. p. 36
5. Ibid. p. 36
6. Ibid. p. 36
7. Ibid. p. 37
8. Ibid. p. 37
9. Ibid. p. 37
10. Ibid. p.37
11. Ibid. p. 37
12. Ibid. p. 37
13. Kinsey, A.C.
14. Penner, Clifford and Joyce. The Gift of Sex. Dallas, London: Word Publishing, 1981. p. 70