FAMILY AND MARRIAGE
WITH SPECIAL REFERENCE TO
IMMIGRANTS TO THE UNITED STATES
FROM INDIA
By John Mathew Thekkel M.A., Ph.D. (Dr. SUNNY EZHUMATTOOR )all rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means- for example, electronic, copying, recording- without prior written permission of the writer. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
PURPOSE AND SCOPE OF THE STUDY
QUESTIONS AND OBJECTIVES TO BE INVESTIGATED
DESCRIPTION OF RESEARCH METHODOLOGY
QUESTIONNAIRE USED IN RESEARCH SURVEY
ARRANGED AND UNARRANGED MARRIAGES
PROS AND CONS OF FREE DATING AND ARRANGED MARRIAGES
BUILD BETTER FAMILIES AND SOLVE MARRIAGE PROBLEMS
THE CAUSES OF MARRIAGE PROBLEMS
TRANSFORMATION TO INDIVIDUALISM
COLLAPSE OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBLITY
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The institutions of marriage and the family structure, and its foundations are being
severely attacked in this modern and rapidly changing world from a material, intellectual,
and even a spiritual aspect. Indeed, there is even a specific socialistic mind set, in
vogue today, that suggests that it really "takes a village to raise a child".
There is a need to study the concept of marriage, and the nature of a family, and
determine how it interfaces with the modern world. America has often been called the
"great melting pot of the world" where enormous numbers of people from all parts
of this planet have come together, and been able to live together in one country, in an
imperfect, but nevertheless, more harmonious manner than any other nation in the world or
during any other time in history. Yet it is this "melting pot" that has played
an important role in producing an environment of tremendously complex relationships that
has subjected the family unit to great stress, and modification. Indeed, one sometimes
wonders if marriage and the family is on the verge of extinction in this country, and
maybe in much of the world.
STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM
People that immigrate to another country are faced with severe changes in their lives. They must adapt to another world, and yet there is a desperate need to hold on to values and beliefs and customs that they have been taught from their childhood. Often one of the most severe challenges that an immigrant must face is challenges to their religious beliefs. This is particularly true of the fundamentalist Christians that has come to this country. The institutions of marriage and the family have very clearly defined roles from a Biblical perspective, and many immigrants in their own country would under normal circumstances be able to adhere to them under most conditions. However, the laws, customs, and physical convenience found in this country often tempt and disrupt even the most ardent immigrants into breaking away from some of their Christian beliefs. For example, it is customary in India that marriages are arranged by the parents of two families. That practice is also followed by Christians from India. However, in the west such a practice is unheard of, and would not be tolerated. Once children of these groups reach the age of marriage, they are torn between two conflicting systems, and their traditional system of values can become easily eroded. How is the young Christian immigrant going to cope with a situation like that? When these types of things happen their lives, marriages, and families often begin to suffer the same types of problems of a modern fast paced world that the rest of the country has experienced. How should an Indian immigrant cope or adapt to such a situation? Therefore, there is a need to analyze these trends, and special conditions, and relate them in such a way that they can be clearly understood and appreciated by certain specialized groups of immigrants. The target group here is the conservative Indian immigrant from southern India. The ultimate standard of excellence for the institutions of marriage and the family is the Bible, and its words of wisdom are regarded as the ultimate authority on this subject. Therefore, the findings in this study should be universally useful to all groups of people. However, the nature of the discussion, and type of topics, etc. will be directed primarily toward those immigrants from southern India.
PURPOSE AND SCOPE OF THE STUDY
Over the years there have been many popular books, and articles that have been written on
the general subjects of marriage and the family, but it is often difficult to find
suitable answers to problems that special groups of people may have due to certain types
of physical, social, cultural or religious characteristics of the group. However, for the
purposes of a research project the concept of a generic "family" is far too
general. Therefore, the intent of this endeavor is to more precisely define a specific
type of family that is associated with a unique culture. In that way, it will be easier to
define the specific varieties of problems that a marriage and resulting families of a
particular type will encounter. In that way it will become easier to offer suggestions as
to how it may over come certain pressures to modify this intimate unit into something less
desirable.
The type of family that is at the center of this investigation is the conservative
Christian family, which is being attacked on a daily basis on the TV, radio, newspapers,
and magazines as well as our public schools as being old fashioned, out of touch with
present day realities, and insensitive to the trends of the modern physical and very
socially liberal world. Yet even the conservative Christian family is an extremely diverse
group, and has far to many variables to allow it to be easily assessed, so that any
solutions that may be offered to it may not have many practical applications to more
specialized groups. Therefore, it is necessary to further break down this concept of a
family group for this particular study into a more specific kind. The family group that
this investigation will focus on is the Christian fundamentalist immigrant family. It is
the immigrant family that is subjected to an immense amount change and conflict in moving
to another country. Their entire world has changed, and they must adapt to a new language,
customs, culture, and often standards of living. It is a difficult transition for any
family or individual to experience. These changes may also cause these people to
compromise their beliefs and way of life in many unexpected ways. It is these types of
people that may have to search for special answers that might not be found in a more
generic analysis of the family.
More specifically, it is the immigrant Christian family from India that is the main focus
of this investigation, and the especially the fundamentalist Christian from that area.
From this point on, the expression to a racial group as "Indian" will be used to
refer to Indians that have come from India, and not any other group of people such as the
"American Indian", which is a totally different race, which has its origin on
the north American continent. Today there about 1 million Indians from India
that live in the U.S., and approximately 30,000 families have a Christian heritage. In
Texas, there are about 5,000 Christian Indian families, and approximately 1,000 of them
are fundamentalist Christian families, and the others are from a wide assortment of other
Christian denominations. There seems to be a significant concentration of the
fundamentalist Christian families in Houston, because about 500 families reside in this
area. Almost all of these fundamentalist Christian Indians come from the state in southern
most India known as Kerala (Figure 1). This is the most populace state by density in
India, and the people in that area are often known as Malayalees. They also speak a unique
language called Malayalam. Note, that this name is a palindrome, which allows it to be
spelled the same way from left to right or in the reverse direction. It is an offshoot of
the Tamil language, but it has also absorbed much from Sanskrit as well. Malayalam is the
20th most widely used, and published language in the world. In 1994 the state of Kerala
had the distinction of becoming 100% literate in this language. This is the official
language that is used by all Indians that live in Kerala. However, both English and Hindi
are also taught in their schools in India. Thus, Malayalees are multilingual.
The main target group of this investigation is primarily all fundamentalist Christian
Indian immigrants that have come to this country. However, there is one group in
particular that is of primary interest to this study, and that is the small group that
call themselves the "Brethren" or the "Plymouth Brethren". This group
initially began in Scotland in the 19th century by John Darby. It is probably best known
today as reinvigorating the idea of premillennialism and the idea of a pretribulation
rapture of the Church before the Great Tribulation. There are a number of other unique
aspects of these people and their beliefs that made the process of immigration difficult
for many of them. The general nature of the Malayalam Brethren Indian believer is that
they are very conservative. The children in these groups do not go to movies, attend
dances, smoke cigarettes, take street drugs, or even wear ornaments of any kind. Teenage
children do not date, and even older single individuals do not indulge in that practice.
They also dress conservatively in stylish clothes, and keep themselves well groomed. They
do not get outlandish haircuts or try to make themselves look peculiar or obnoxious in any
special way. In general, most Indians, especially the women love to wear jewelry, and are
often seen wearing exorbitant amounts of it on much of their body. Indian Brethren
believers on the other hand go to the opposite extreme, and do not even wear wedding
rings. Their ears or other parts of their body are never pierced so as to wear jewelry of
any kind.
The Indian Brethren avoid all festivals including even birthdays. However, in more recent
years they have become a little more lax in giving a small celebration for their young
children on their birthday. Their belief is that virtually all festivals in the modern
world have in one way or the other been adopted from Catholicism and paganism. They feel
that this is especially true of Christmas, and never have a tree in their homes, nor do
they buy presents for the other members of their families or friends. They also abstain
from many of the popular rituals of Easter, and its debasing of the Christian event with
colored eggs and costumed rabbits etc. The experience of their first Halloween in this
country has in fact been an especially intimidating experience for many of the Brethren
Indians. Although the Brethren Indians are conservative, they are not ultra-conservative.
Neither their dress, actions, etc. causes them to stand out in a group of American people.
They are not ultaconsevarive as the Amish and perhaps Mennonites, and have no problems
with wearing conservative but stylish clothes, and there are no stigmas that they have
against working or living with modern technology. They drive automobiles of all different
colors and designs, fly in airplanes, and are very proficient in using all types of
electronic devices. Their children, when they become of age also enjoy having their own
automobiles just as any American teenager would today.
Here, a brief description of the Plymouth Brethren is given. They are a company of
believers in the Lord Jesus Christ who do not recognize denominational boundaries or
sectarian limitations. Believing that the church is one body, composed of all believers,
they refuse to take any name that is not common to all Christians. They meet regularly to
study the Scriptures, to fellowship together, to break bread in remembrance of our Lord,
and to pray. (Acts: 2:42)
They seek to gather in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and to maintain the apostolic
pattern and simplicity which marked the churches of the days of the apostles. (Romans 12:
4-8). They seek, by God's grace, to honor the Lord Jesus and worship God " in Spirit
and in Truth". (John 4:23,24). They assemble every "first day in the week "
to break the bread. (Acts 20:7), and desire to eliminate ritual and stated order of
service; however, we want to be led entirely by the Holy Spirit in the order of worship
and ministry. They do not wish to silence any of the brethren present whom may be led by
the Holy Spirit to pray and offer praise, to give out a hymn, to read or minister the Word
of God or otherwise take part at the Lord's table. In other words, no one man presides-
only the Lord "in the midst" (Matthew 18: 20). This they believe to be the
scriptural order of meeting, worship, and discipline.
Anyone who is a child of God through faith in
Christ's atoning work on the cross for sin, and reception of him as His own personal
savior, has a right to eat at the lord's table, provided, he is not living in sin and
deliberate disobedience to God's Word. (Romans 15:7, 1 Corinthians 5:11; 11 Corinthians
9:11).
Distinction between "clergy" and " laity" is not recognized,
(Revelation 2:6 and 2:10) but realized that God bestows gifts to men in the body,
(church), as He wills. He raises up "pastors" and "teachers" according
to His own will. (Ephesians 4:11-13; Acts 20:17,and verse 20). There is no thought of a
stipulated amount of remuneration for the preaching of the Gospel, but they hold ourselves
responsible to help those who are in the Lord's work. (III John 7). No collections are
taken at public meetings. they consider human creeds as unnecessary. The Bible being a
record of what "holy men of old spoke as they were moved by the Holy Ghost,"
there is consequently "no private interpretation " of the Bible. They are
concerned with having the mind of the spirit in matters of interpretation of Holy Writ.
The Bible itself is our creed.
They have certain beliefs in the doctrines as unfolded in the Scriptures: that is, man's
fall and total depravity ; his guilty, lost and hopeless condition; the amazing love of
God in providing a Savior in His Only Son; the perfection of Christ in His divine as well
as His human nature; reconciliation to God through Christ's shed blood, by which alone man
is redeemed, and not by works, law-keeping, or reformation . Christ's resurrection is
proof that God accepted His atonement.
They believe that the Christian should have full assurance of his eternal salvation, and
that this assurance comes not through feelings or experiences but by the Word of God. They
see from the Scriptures that being saved by Christ's work once for all, a believer can
never be lost, but as
Safe as though he were in heaven already. (1 John: 3:2). However, the Scriptures guards
against an abuse of this teaching, because it insists on good works as the fruit of being
saved; (Ephesians 2:10). The Bible teaches the believer to reckon himself to be dead
indeed to sin, and alive to God. (Romans 6:11). The Scriptures also clearly show that a
Christian life should be one of devotedness to Christ, and of separation from the way of
the world.
The hope of the Christian is not the betterment of this world system, but the coming of
Christ to receive His own. He will raise the dead in Christ, and change the living, that
together, they may be caught up to meet Him in the air. God will then judge the world by
judgment preparatory to Christ's millennial reign on earth when He will rule the nations
with a rod of iron.. Righteousness will then prevail throughout the world, but his
redeemed Church will always be with him.(1Thesselonians 4:17). They believe according to
Scripture, that those who do not by faith, respond to the Gospel of God's grace and
receive His free salvation , will have their part in "the lake of fire," which
is the "second death," and eternal punishment, not extinction or restoration.
Therefore they believe in the earnest and loving dissemination of the Gospel of God's
Grace. (Revelation 20:14).
The author of this research project is one of these immigrants that came to this country
in 1973. He is also a fundamentalist Christian, and belonged to what is known as the
"Brethren Assembly" in India. In this country, as previously noted, they are
better known as the "Plymouth Brethren". He grew up in that faith, and became a
"born again" Christian at the age of 9. Since that time he has been an active
servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, and was one of the founders of the Indian Brethren
Assembly in Houston, Texas in 1975. However, even before that time he was instrumental in
starting the first Indian Christian prayer fellowship, which was a prayer group of all
Christian faiths from Kerala. He has also been a Christian counselor for the families in
his Assembly. This effort has continued for the last 25 years.
It is through this experience that this researcher has realized that his "Christian
Malayalee Brethren" constitutes a unique group of immigrants in this country that
could be studied as a relatively homogeneous group, and yet one that has been subjected to
many similar types of changes as other immigrant groups since they have come to his to
country. An examination of their beliefs, customs, Christian faith, and how they have
reacted, and adapted to their new country could prove to be a constructive guide to help
other new immigrants adapt more quickly and easily when they come into this country. This
study will also help the immigrant retain their own Christian faith, and hopefully even to
enhance it by incorporating Biblical principles found in the Bible that were designed to
be used in establishing the institutions of marriage and the family as medium of God to
mold His people for His glory. However, the most specific intentions of this investigation
is to better define a Christian solution for the younger generation immigrant,
irrespective of their cultural background. This work will benefit the Indian community
more than others, but its basic principles should be useable for all other peoples and
races in a similar manner.
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QUESTIONS AND OBJECTIVES TO BE INVESTIGATED
The objectives of this investigation are to analyze the family, and the role that marriage
has to do with stabilizing it, and enhancing it into a productive institution, as well as
the betterment of mankind. The study begins by considering the family in society. How have
some important influences affected the family? For instances what has the "Great
Society" done to affect the family? Has it been good bad or indifferent? What are the
effects of some of the other societal influences such as television and music, etc. that
have adversely affected the family?
This study will then consider some of the means by which a more stable life can be
attained in a family. The primary factor here is parental, and other authority figures
that interact with the family. How should parental law be established in the family? What
is meant by chastenment, and how should it be administered by parents? How does it differ
from punishment? What are the some effective methods of punishment? How to execute
judgement in family matters. The importance and role of teaching children respect for
others and animals. What types of standards should be made in a family? How to teach
children to comprehend parental instructions. Teaching children things to avoid, how to
avert conflicts. These types of questions necessitate that a discussion on the meaning of
child abuse needs to be included in this study. How does it relate to the other topics
that were raised? Other aspects of parental authority include rules of imprinting, and
setting proper examples for their children. Proper ways to teach ones children, and how to
talk to them in more effective ways. What guides can be used to help develop character in
ones child? What are some good activities for a family? What policies should be made about
watching television? How to interact with children in their pre-adolescent years. How to
teach them about sex education. What can a parent do to help develop character and morals
in their children? How have homosexuality, sexual perversion and other bias reports on
human sexuality influenced the family in harmful ways. Then it is important to consider
how to strengthen family ties, and how to best communicate among family members. These
methods have then been compared to the ideal Biblical standard of a family as the ultimate
guide in producing a harmonious family structure.
There are important requirements needed for developing a stable marriage. The different
types of love are discussed. What is meant by sin and the curse? A discussion of the role
of both the man and the woman in the marriage is an important facet of this study.
Finally, it must also be considered how other parts of society such government, the
church, and ones employment should affect the marriage and the family. The church and ones
beliefs in the Scriptures can play a pivotal role in producing a sound marriage.
Therefore, it is important to be able to understand ones role with regard to doctrinal
views. In this respect the discussion will be very specific to certain doctrines
associated with conservative Christian fundamentalist views that are associated with the
Plymouth Brethren movement. These doctrinal issues are important to this group, and they
need to be discussed, at least briefly. Such issues as the role of women in the church,
and whether they should they be allowed to preach will be considered. A few other issues
will be covered briefly such as what is meant by glory in the family, and the significance
of a woman covering her head in services. Attention will also be given to the process of
aging, and what is the role of grandparents in a family? Does God have a special plan for
grandparents?
There are many things that can cause conflicts and problems in a marriage. In analyzing
these areas of conflicts it is important to begin by considering some of the basic
differences between men and women. Not just their physical differences, but also their
mental, emotional, and social differences. It is also necessary to consider premarital
relationships that people have. What are some of the outstanding differences between
single life and marriage. What is the value of companionship in ones life. Such a
discussion would have to consider the problems of divorce, and how it has affected the
family in many negative ways. What is the history of divorce, and what are its most common
origins? How has fornication destroyed so many marriages? The subsequent changes in a
family from a divorce can be devastating. Comparisons will be made to the untouchables in
India, and how divorce even has some similarities to a death in the family. The
relationships between mothers and their children also need to be considered in this
section. How does a family react during the transition of a divorce? What are the effects
of parental visits? What happens to children that regard new parents as strangers? What is
the effect of the absent parent? What is meant by the "web of relationships"? Is
there a better way to respond to some of these problems? Finally, divorce will be examined
from a Biblical point of view. What does the Old Testament say about it? How did the
patriarchs confront the problem? What does the New Testament add to this problem?
A portion of this study will also be devoted to the mystery of sex. It begins with the
concept of nakedness, and the healing of shame. The physical and mental benefits of a good
sexual life are also discussed. The context of this discussion requires that some of the
problems that could affect a good sexual life such as impotency, masturbation, premature
ejaculation are also discussed. The concept of "becoming one flesh" needs to be
developed. Other sexual problem areas that could affect an otherwise good marriage deal
with the nature of an affair, how they begin, the extra-marital bonding that occurs, and
how one becomes susceptible to an affair. Then it is necessary to consider how best to
avoid an affair, and the mans need to learn the meaning of affection in order to enhance
ones marriage.
Finally the question of whether marriage is obsolete in this modern world needs to be
addressed. Why is marriage necessary? Does it allow humanity to transcend to a higher
realm of existence over animals? Is man an evolved creature of evolution or is he a
separate and divine creation? What in fact are some of the differences between man and
animals? What is the origin of marriage? What is meant by the ultimate marriage? How does
it relate to the church. What is meant by ones marriage to Christ? Who are those that are
called guests to the marriage supper of the Lord?
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CHAPTER II
REVIEW OF RELATED REFERENCES
OVERVIEW AND HISTORICAL BACKGROUND
This section will deal with the institution of marriage in general, the structure of the
family, and Biblical concepts of marriage. A conceptional framework of these subjects will
be provided from several points of view. However, in order to do that in a meaningful way
for this particular dissertation it is necessary to discuss some of the pertinent aspects
of the culture of the Indian people in southern India. The birth and heritage of the
writer from that part of the world gives him first hand experience with that culture, and
replaces a great deal of surveyed literature that would have to be made by researchers
from other cultures. However, the reader is referred to the following references on the
nature and details of the Malayalam culture in southern India1-3.
GEOGRAPHY AND HISTORY:
A brief outline of the geography and history of this
region will be useful in introducing the people of this area. India became a free and
sovereign country in 1947. In 1956 the state of Kerala was formed in tropical southernmost
India. The name Kerala may have originated from the word in Malayalam for a type of
coconut tree. Kerala comprises only 1% of the land area (15,007 square miles or 38,869
square kilometers) of India, but supports 6% of the population of the country. It contains
about 32 million people in a cosmopolitan mixture of Hindus 60 %), Christians 20 %,
Moslems 20 %, and even Jews 85 families1. The state of Kerala has allowed these different
religious groups to live together in close proximity in relative harmony for many
centuries. This is in direct contrast to the open conflict that exists between these
groups farther in the northern parts of India.
Hinduism was the earliest religion it the area. It has many unique aspects to its
philosophy, but one of the most unique features of it that relates to this study is its
matriarchal system of inheritance. In this system, it is through the woman's side of the
family that inheritance is determined. This is even true to the succession of kings. Such
a system elevated women to an exhaulted position in Kerala.
"The first Jews immigrated to this part of India in 587 B.C. when Nebuchadnezzar
invaded Israel. There was a more extensive immigration of Jews that came to this part of
India in the first century A.D."2 when the Jews fled their country from the Roman
persecution that destroyed their land at that time. This region first became recognized as
an independent nation in the third century, when an emperor by the name of Asoka declared
it as part of his domain at that time. This reign called the "Chera dynasty"
lasted until the 5th century A.D.
Christianity occurred in this part of the world in 52 A.D. when the apostle Thomas came to
Kerala (Malabar coast). He was one of the original 12 apostles of Jesus Christ. He is the
one that founded the Christian Church in India. Later he was martyred in Madras.
Christians in this area have often been referred to as Syrian Christian, because over the
years they began to adopt the Syrian Orthodox traditions, and even used their liturgy.
Their presence came as a surprise to Vasco de Gama, and his Portuguese explorers in 1498.
Here was a large group of Christians, and they had never heard of the pope. That
constituted heresy to the Catholic Portuguese, and soon the first religious persecution in
the region began from those that called themselves Christians upon those that were
Christians. The Malabar coast of India had been a popular trading area for many nations
for centuries. However, it was in the 18th century that some destructive invasions
impaired the peaceful nature of Kerala. "Hyder Ali in 1766 and later his son Tippu
Sultan in 1790, both from Mysore, which is the area to the north of Kerala occupied the
area."3 After India obtained its independence in 1947 the nearby states of
Travancore, Cochin, and Malabar were united on a linguistic basis, and became the state of
Kerala.
There are several notable things about these people. They have one of the highest literacy
rates in the world, 100% as of 1994. They are known to also have one of the highest voter
turnout rates (85%) in the world. Unfortunately, Kerala also has the dubious distinction
of being the first state outside of Russia to have elected a communist government for
their land in 1957. The Malayalam language is the 20th most widely published language in
the world, and the people of this area also have one of highest rates of home ownership in
the world. However, it should be noted that many of those homes would not be comparable to
most homes in developed countries. In general, although much of India is regarded as a
third world country, the state of Kerala's standard of living is about comparable to that
in western Europe.
Malayalee Indians of all types have a tendency to migrate to other areas. "About 3.1
million live in other parts of India"4. Approximately one million Malaylees live in
various parts of the middle east. Most of that immigration to U.S.A.has occurred since the
early 1970's.
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Some operational definitions of a family need to be
considered in order to provide a more precise understand of this concept. Perhaps one of
the most logical places to seek such definitions would be with the Bureau of Census. They
have defined the "family" as "a group of two persons or more related by
blood, marriage or adoption, and residing together (U.S. Bureau of Census, 1977, p.158).
However, this definition is limited to only the immediate family, but the Bureau of Census
recognized that there were other types of families that need to be considered. For
instance there is the "nuclear family", which is made up of the husband and
wife, and their children. Two or more nuclear families make up the "extended
family", which is usually composed of related families of the spouses of the nuclear
family. Other useful terms include "family of orientation", which is the family
that a person is born into. Whereas, the family that a person is a spouse is called a
"family of procreation". These two latter families are
also part of the extended family. There are a couple of additional important terms related
to the concepts of marriage and the family that were noted by Stephen A. Grunlan in his
book on "Marriage and the Family"5. They include the concept of a "conjugal
relationship", which refers to the relationship between the husband and wife;
whereas, a "consanguineal relationship" refers to relationships by blood, such
as the parent and child and other siblings.
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Culture is a way of life in a society. It is the
totality of what an individual learns in a society. Culture is not innate, but instead is
acquired by learning. One learns about their culture through a socialization process with
other members in their society. Thus, cultural values are collective conceptions of what
is regarded as desirable, proper, or wrong and undesirable or improper in their society.
Richard T. Schaefer and Robert P. Lamm extended these concepts further in their book
"Sociology" by elaborating on the concept of "ethnocentrism"6. They
noted that "ethnocentrism refers to the tendency to assume that one's culture and way
of life are superior to all others. The ethnocentric person sees his or her own group as
the center or defining point of culture and views all other cultures as deviations from
what is "normal" society."
Linda Dodgen and Adrian M. Rapp have speculated in their book "Looking Through the
Window of Sociology"that there is a dynamic evolving culture that is taking place in
our society at this time.7 They believe that a new culture has been emerging in the U.S.
in the last 15 years, which they have called the "popular culture". They noted
that Americans of different social classes seem to identify with certain types of music
and dancing styles. From those observations, they believe that they can identify a
difference between a higher and middle class culture.
Culture is quite often a dynamic phenomenon, which can develop and change in time. This is
the view that will be demonstrated in subsequent portions of this dissertation. However,
it would be instructive at this time to introduce and illustrate how this has occurred in
the Kerala society in southern India. Keep in mind the following necessary aspects of a
cultural society to maintain itself. It usually occupies a definite geographical
territory, and maintains itself by sexual reproduction, and it is organized around a
complex division of labor. These are characteristics that are particularly evident in the
ancient caste system found in India. In such a system, those that perform functions such
as a priest, merchant or warrior were born into that particular caste system; whereas
those that did menial jobs such as a barber, washer men, carpenters and locksmiths, etc.
were born in their particular caste system. This system still prevails in about 70% of the
Indian society to this day.
There are other dimensions of a culture that need to be developed before other aspects of
the Keralian cultural model can be further enhanced. It must be remembered that a culture
includes both material and non-material aspects. For instance, the material culture
involves physical objects that people create and use. These can include anything from
pottery to spacecraft. However, the concept of what can be called the "norm", as
developed by Dodgen and Rapp8 plays an important role in the evolution of a culture.
Furthermore, Dodgen and Rapp also noted that there are other aspects of "norms"
in a culture. "Norms" are expectations that are shared by members of a culture.9
They are often standards of conduct. An awareness of what can be called the
"norm" in a society helps one to better understand what is regarded as
acceptable behavior in a given situation. Therefore, "norms" serve many
functions, and much of an individuals behavior soon becomes automatic once those standards
have been learned.
Change in a society is caused by the process of alterations that occur in the structure of
society. All societies are dynamic in that they are changing. Some just change faster than
others. Sometimes the element of change is a deliberate, other times it can be accidental,
and change can be either beneficial or harmful. There are several well recognized
processes of change. Perhaps the most obvious is innovation, which is the process of
introducing a new event in to a culture. Several parameters determine the amount of change
that a society can tolerate. First, innovation is influenced by the mental ability of a
group of people. There is an appropriate example here with regards to the Indian societal
model that was being introduced. For example, there is not much time or energy for a
society to experiment with innovations when it is desperately expending much of its energy
just to get enough food to eat or if large numbers of them are suffering from poor health.
Such would be the case of large portions of the Indian society. Kerala by comparison is
better off than much of the Indian society. However, even massive unemployment exists
there for its educated people, and that does create a social problem in that society. Such
massive unemployment is one of the reasons why India and many other socialist countries
were not able to participate in the modern computer revolution.
Prior to the time when India obtained independence, it was under subjugation to the
British empire. British rule greatly helped India to eradicate many blind and barbaric
practices and customs. It caused a new society to form, which eventually began to
transform the entire country. However, even as late as 1950 many of the old customs of the
land were observed by some segments of society in India. The study of changes in social
values are important for all people in the world. The immigrants from India have faced
some drastic shifts in values in their system. There are still many groups from south Asia
that try to maintain their ancient cultural identity. This is particularly true of certain
parts of the Indian society, and it is especially true of those customs that relate to the
marriage system.
Western culture recognizes the domain of marriage, in a sense similar to what is
acknowledged in the U.S. However, in India there are some important variations to the
marriage and family institutions. One of the most important castes of Kerala is that of
Nairs (Nayers). They have traditionally been governed by the matriarchal system where
propriety is inherited through the female side of the family. This has given Nair women an
exalted position in Keralaian society. However, today the matriarchal system is rapidly
fading away. The Nair family is a huge unit, and their ancestral home is known as the
"tarwad". A new born child was considered as a member of the mother's family,
and a mans property was inherited by his sister's children. The elder male (brother) was
considered as the head of the joint Hindu family in Kerala.
Another group within the Namboodiris, the Kerala Brahmins (highest caste) have another
unique system. Among them, until recently, only the eldest son was allowed to take a wife
from his own caste. The others had to marry Nairs and their children had no right to the
family's heritage. The result was that many Nambooderi women had to go through life as old
maids because there were not enough eldest sons to go around. However, today, most
Nambodiri's marry within their own community.10
The origin of the matriarchal system in southern India is shrouded in some controversy.
Perhaps the most informative source of information on this subject is found in the 19th
century book written by P. Bhaskaranunni called "19 th Century Kerala"11. In
this work, Bhaskaranunni presents some of the more probable origins of this system. One of
the most prominent views was that the Nair warrior caste had to stay away from home for
prolonged periods of time. Therefore, the burden of the family administration fell upon
the women. A Nair woman at puberty is virtually married to a young man chosen by her
family. In general, a Nair boy marries his father's sister daughter. This system of
marrying one's first cousin in not practiced among other Hindus or other religious groups
anywhere else in India. Another probable, and contrasting view for the origin of this
system was that Nair women had many husbands so it was difficult to prove the posterity of
the children. This view proposed that a Nair woman had a lot of freedom in choosing
whomever she wanted for a husband. Furthermore, if a Nair woman had many husbands it
increased her prestige and standing in their society. The children of a Nair family were
raised by the mother and her brother. At the present time most of these old customs no
longer exist, and the family is headed by the father. However, the practice of marrying
one's first cousin is still prevalent in the Keralian Hindu society. It is interesting to
note that there have been no obvious phenotypic signs of inbreeding in this group.
Indian immigrants of all types follow a close knit family pattern. They believe in hard
work, responsibility toward their family, raising their children with moral values,
supporting their parents in their old age, as well as supporting other family members
financially, and abiding by the laws of the land. Christian immigrants from India try very
hard to maintain their orthodox beliefs which are ingrained in the eastern culture which
is familiar throughout the Bible. Indian immigrants are known to sacrifice their personal
freedom, leisure, time and money for the benefit of their family. There is a great burden
placed upon a family member that immigrates to this country until they are able to bring
all of the family members to this country. However, the most important dilemma that is
faced by immigrant Indian parents is how they should raise their children in a proper
environment. Initially, in the 1970's many Indians viewed the moral and religious
awareness in the U. S. as an asset. However, in the decade or so the Indian immigrants are
apprehensive about the moral decay that has occurred in this country.
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Marriage is a closely related concept with that of
the family. However, not every culture recognizes marriage in the same sense that it is
accepted in the U.S. Marriage in general terms is a legal or social contract between two
people of the opposite sex. The process of becoming married usually begins with a public
ceremony, and ends when one spouse either dies or is divorced. Sex between the consenting
partners is expected and approved by society. Procreation usually follows the union of the
couple, and it is also an accepted norm of society. Subsequent to those conditions there
then follows a unique relationship of parents to each other and their children.
The concept of marriage with the Nairs has in the past been different than what is usually
accepted in other cultures of the world. In the U.S. and most western countries, monogamy
is practiced, and accepted as a cultural norm. However, according to Dogen and Rapp in
their book titled "Looking through the window of Society" monogamy is only
accepted as a cultural standard in 17% of the societies of the world.12 Polygyny allows a
male to have more than one wife, and is the most common form of polygamy. Polyandry, on
the other hand allows a female to have multiple husbands. This is a rare condition in
societies today.
Nairs and Todas, who are a pastoral tribe in the near by state of Kerala Tamilnadu, are
examples of societies that practice endogamy and exogamy.13 Endogamy means that a person
must marry within a particular group. The marriage is usually within a particular racial
group, and often it is within a religious or ethnic group. Exogamy, on other hand refers
to marriage outside a particular group. This investigation has shown that Indian
immigrants have mixed feelings about marrying someone outside their race, strongly believe
that they should marry someone with the same type of background and religious faith.
Some cultures believe that the choice of ones mate is to important for a young person to
make. In many cases in such societies, marriage is often based upon economic and political
arrangements of the parents of those to be married. In other cases, a culture may provide
for some method of selection of a spouse, which can be done by either a prescribed
marriage partner or a go between individual. In many cultures, especially those in India,
a dowry or bride price must be paid by the parents of the bride before a marriage can take
place. This dowry is given by the wife's family to either the bride or the spouse of the
bride or to his family.14
In the Occidental world, many modern preachers and psychologists regard marriage as a
contract between two parties. In fact there are laws in many countries that allow and
require common ownership of property etc. for people that become married. In every
contract there are certain conditional clauses. A contract between two parties, whether it
is between companies or individuals involves responsibilities on the part of both
individuals. A contract also usually has conditional or "if " clauses. However,
in the marriage ceremony and the relationship, there are no conditional clauses. Indeed
from a strictly Biblical perspective, marriage is not a contract. Thus, there are no if
clauses that say anything to the effect that "If the husband loves his wife, that the
wife must submit to him or viseversa." Marriage from that perspective is really an
unconditional commitment into which two people enter. Most contracts usually have escape
clauses, but there are no such clauses in becoming married.
A Christian marriage is an emotional fusion of two personalities into a functional
operation. Yet both retain their own identities. The Biblical reference on marriage is
found in Genesis 2:23-24 "And Adam said : "This is now bone of my bones and
flesh of my flesh.She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they
shall become one flesh.(NKJV). which says "one flesh". A Christian marriage
though involves more than the uniting and blending of the genetic material from two
people. It also includes a third person, that of Jesus Christ, who gives meaning, guidance
and direction to the union. A Christian marriage only occurs when Jesus Christ presides at
the marriage ceremony. It was A. Norman Wright that put it so elegantly in his book
Communication, Key to your marriage when he said
"Basically the Christian view of marriage is not
that it is primarily or even essentially a binding legal and social contract. The
Christian understands marriage as a covenant made under God and in the presence of fellow
members of the Christian family. Such a pledge endures, not because of the force of law or
the fear of its sanctions, but because an unconditional covenant has been made a covenant
more solemn, more binding, more permanent than any legal covenant."15
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DEVELOPING A STABLE MARRIAGE AND PARENTAL
AUTHORITY
A successful Christian marriage is ultimately based
upon love. The primary reference for this discussion comes from the Scriptures. The
different types of physical and spiritual love are examined from numerous places in the
Bible such as in Eph.5:25, 26, (Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water
through the word,) and Titus 2:4 (No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian
affairs-he wants to please his commanding officer.) Then the roles of both the husband and
wife are explored from what the Bible has to say on that matter regarding their marriage
and their family. The Bible also offers much guidance in the matter establishing parental
authority within a family. The concepts of chastisement and punishment are examined from a
Scriptural point of view. Other parental authority matters regarding raising children,
teaching them things to avoid, providing them role model standards by which to live by,
confronting reasons for child abuse, and developing character in ones children, etc. can
once again be examined by examples given in the Bible.
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There are many things both physical and spiritual
that can cause conflicts in a marriage. If these controversies can not be resolved they
can eventually lead to the down fall of the marriage, and ultimately divorce.
Unfortunately, divorce severely affects more than just the two adults initiating the
action. It affects the entire family, especially the children, in a very severe and
lasting way. Much has been written on this subject, but only selected references are used
from the University of Indiana studies to provide facts and figures to document the
effects of this condition. This investigator has also made some comparisons of this
situation with the untouchables of India from his own experience in that land.
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REFERENCES CITED
1. India, A Travel Surrival Kit, 1990, Lonely Planet Publications, p.781.
2. Menon, A. Sreedhara, 1979, Kerala History, Sahitya Pravarthaka Co-operative Society
Ltd. Kottayam, Kerala, p. 134.
3. Ibid, p. 380.
4. Kerala Directory of Houston, 1992.
5. Grunlan, Stephen, A., 1984, Marriage and Family, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan,
p.28
6. Schaefer, Richard, T., and Lamm, Robert, P., 1983, Sociology, McGraw Hill Brock Co.,
new York, p.33.
7. Dodgen, Linda, and Rapp, Adrian, M., 1995, Looking through the Window of Sociology,
Kendall/Hunt Publishing Co., Iowa, p.63.
8. Ibid, p.63.
9. Ibid, p. 63.
10.Warrior, P., Krishna, 1/1948, The decline of Namboodiri race, Mathrubhumi weekly
Kottakkal, p.15
11. Bhaskaranunni, P., 1988, 19th Century Kerala, Kerala Literary Accademy, p. 303.
12. Dodgen, Linda, and Rapp, Adrian, M., 1995, Looking through the Window of Sociology,
Kendall/Hunt Publishing Co., Iowa, p.232.
13. Rasika, T.S. M., 9/1917, Matriarchal castes, p.15.
14. Mohammed, Sayed, and Trichur, P.A.,1961,Kerala Muslim History, Muslim Publication,p.48
15. Wright, Norman,H., 1974,Communication, Key to Your Marriage, Regal Books, Calif., p.5.
CHAPTER III
METHODOLOGY AND PROCEDURES
DESCRIPTION OF RESEARCH METHODOLOGY
The only suitable way of reaching large numbers of Indian immigrants in order to examine
their beliefs and opinions on a wide range social issues was to do a survey. This was done
by writing up a detailed questionnaire on a number of topics that were desired to be
covered. There were seven major categories in the questionnaire. These will be briefly
outlined in the following discussion. The first category was on "General
Information". Here the participant filled in basic information on their name address,
date the survey was taken, what race they were, and their profession and spouses
profession. Second, came the "Nationality" category. In this section the
participant was asked what country they were born in, and what country they were a
citizen. Other questions in this group asked their age when they immigrated to this
country, and if other members of their family that live with them were citizens of this
country. Section three of the questionnaire was devoted to the "Family". It
asked for the applicants sex, whether they were single or married. What hobbies they had.
If married how many children, number of boys and girls. There were questions on parental
discipline. The parents were also asked if they had any problems in a number of different
areas. A number of other questions dealt with the persons feelings about their bond with
other family members, divorce, keeping a marriage together for the sake of children, etc.
Other questions asked how many people live in their home, whether they rent or own a home,
do relatives live with them, and how they care for elderly relatives. Those that have been
divorced are asked many of the same questions, as well as what they feel causes divorce.
Additional questions in this area surveyed whether these people favored arranged
marriages, and if the parents should have anything to do with choosing their children's
mates. Other questions dealt with courting and dating procedures, the roles of both
spouses in a marriage, whether they would accept inter-racial marriages, their views on
living together before getting married, the value of money in a marriage, and what the
role of grandparents should be in a marriage. The fourth section dealt with
"education". The participant was asked what level of education they had
achieved, and what types of schools they had attended. They were also asked how they
planned to educate their children. The fifth section was short and dealt with their
"religion". It asked them to identify the religion that they believed in, and
how often they attended their place of faith. The sixth category was titled "General
Questions". It asked questions on a broad range of topics such as gun control, people
control, politics, prayer in school, legalization of abortion, euthanasia, concerns about
keeping their jobs, problems in learning another language in this country, possible loss
of freedoms in this country, crime, homosexuality, taxes, role of government in our lives,
affirmative action , etc. These questions were the general testing grounds for other areas
of possible concern to these immigrants. The seventh and final category dealt with
abortion. Several questions were asked on this subject that dealt with the time of
conception, and whether a woman should have the choice of freedom to decide what she will
do with her child when she is pregnant. Questions were also asked as to when they would
favor conditions for an abortion.
Not all of the questions are confined to just the family and marriage. Other topics on
history, education, politics, etc. were also included in the survey. In general, the
people that were to be surveyed are usually very conservative in most of their views and
ways of living. Therefore, many of the questions were designed to test the conservative
nature of these people. There were several reasons for extending the nature of the
questionnaire. These reasons are not listed in any specific order of importance. They
include: 1.) Making the survey more interesting for the participant to take, 2.) Allowing
the researcher to be able to scan a broader range of issues that may suggest other unique
trends in these people that would not have been obvious by a more restricted survey, 3.)
Such a survey would allow a beginning place of statistical data for additional research
projects in the future, 4.) Such data base will also be a source of information on current
social trends, which could be used as a standard in time, which could then compared at a
later time to show how beliefs, and customs may have changed in the future.
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QUESTIONNAIRE USED IN RESEARCH SURVEY
The information given below is a copy of the questionnaire that was used for this
investigation. It has served as the main research tool for this investigation.
Research Demographics
Please Complete and Return to:
Mr. Sunny Ezhumattoor (John Mathew Thekkel)
710 North Sky
Houston, Texas 77073
Thank you in advance for completing this survey,
which is to be a part of my doctoral dissertation for studying the family. This survey
will measure a number of important contemporary social trends. This information will be
available in the future for other scholars to evaluate, and to conduct similar studies
that would then allow them to determine how social values have changed in time. However,
in the meantime this information can be a useful tool in helping us to understand trends
that are going on today that we may not be aware of until a later time. This information
will be kept strictly confidential, and will not be allowed to be used by any other
parties. The data derived from this poll will be used to derive social statistical trends,
and will not be connected with any individual in any way.
I. General Information
A. Name__________________________________________________________________
B. Address (Optional)________________________________________________________
C. Date this survey was taken________________________________________
E. Age ___________
F. Race
1. Caucasian__________ 4. Hispanic_________
2. Afro-American____________ 5. Oriental _________
3. Indian (Asian)__________ 6. Other __________
G. What is your profession?____________________________________________________
1. What is your spouse's profession?(if applicable)______________________________
II. Nationality
1. Were you born in the U.S.? Yes_________ No_________
a. If not the U.S. then where were you born?________________________
2. Are you a citizen of the U.S.? Yes___________ No___________
a. If not a citizen, then what country are you a citizen of?___________________
b. What was your age at the time of immigration?___________________
3. Are all the members in your family living with you citizens of the U.S.? Yes___
No_______.
a. If the answer is no then please explain, with numbers of aliens, and the country that
they are from.__________________________________________________
III. Family
1. Your Sex__________
2. Single___________
3. Do you have any hobbies? Yes_______ No________
a. Examples of hobbies?__________________________________________________
4. Do you believe in vitro fertilization (test tube babies)? Yes_____ No_____.
5. Married__________
a. Children________
1.) Number of boys___________
2.) Number of girls___________
b. Do you have any problems with any of your children in the following areas? Check if
yes.
1.) Discipline_______ Explain________________________________________
2.) School___________ Explain_______________________________________
3.) The law __________Explain_______________________________________
4.) Drugs____________Explain_______________________________________
5.) Other_____________Explain_______________________________________
c. Do you favor a strong bond with all the family members? Yes_____ No______.
d. Do you believe that a strong family connection will discourage divorce? Yes_____
No______.
e. Do you believe that learning as much as possible about each other before marriage would
help to insure the stability of a marriage? Yes_____ No_____.
f. Do you support divorce on the grounds of incompatibility? Yes______ No______.
g. Do you believe in keeping a marriage together for the sake of the children? Yes_____
No______.
h. What do you think is the most important thing required in producing a good and lasting
marriage? ___________________________________________________
6. Home: How many people live in your home with you?_________________________
a. Do you rent? Yes______ No_______.
b. Do you live in a house that you have bought? Yes_______ No_______.
c. Do parents or relatives live with you? Yes______ No_______.
7. Do you have elderly parents or relatives? _________ If so then how do you care for
them?
a. At home____________
b. Nursing home___________
c. Other____________ Explain___________________________________________
8. Divorced______________
a. How many times married?________________
b. Do you have children of more than one marriage living in your family? Yes_____ No_____
Explain if yes ______________________________________________
c. Do you have any problems with any of your children in the following areas? Check if
yes.
1.) Discipline_________ Explain________________________________________
2.) School_____________Explain______________________________________
3.) The law____________Explain______________________________________
4.) Drugs_____________Explain______________________________________
5.) Other_____________Explain_______________________________________
d. What do you think is the most important thing that is breaking up marriages in this
country today? ______________________________________________________
e. Are you concerned about the high divorce rate in this country? Yes_______ No________.
f. Circle the answer that you think causes the most problems in a marriage. a.) money b.)
sex c.) in-laws
g. What do you think is the most important thing required in producing a good and lasting
marriage? ___________________________________________________
The rest of these question are to be answered by everyone
9. Do you prefer arranged marriages for yourself? Yes______ No______, for your children?
Yes______ No______.
10. Do you believe that the arranged marriages described in the Bible should be applied to
everyone in today's society? Yes______ No______.
11. Do you believe that parents should have anything to say in the picking of partners for
their children's marriages? Yes_______ No_______.
12. Do you believe that dating and courting are proper? Yes_______ No_______.
13. Do you believe that singles should indulge in petting, necking, and other forms of
physical contact before marriage? Yes_________ No_________.
14. Do you believe that husband and wife should be equal partners of authority in their
home. Yes_____ No______.
15. Do you believe that a husband and wife should have separate checking accounts?
Yes_____ No____
16. Would you accept an in inter-racial marriage in your family? Yes_______ No_______.
17. Do you believe that it is important to marry a person from the same background, and
faith as yours? Yes_______ No_______.
18. Do you believe that it is sinful for a man and woman to live together before they are
married? Yes______ No_______.
19. Do you think that money is an important factor in picking a mate? Yes_______
No_______.
20. Do you believe that deliberately staying childless in a marriage is against the will
of God? Yes______ No_______ Don't Know________.
21. Do you believe that the influence of grandparents can provide an important factor in
the healthy growth of a child? Yes________ No_________.
22. What do you think is the proper way to address your father and mother-in-law? By their
first names?________ As father and mother, or (Dad and Mom)?_________.
23. How have you disciplined your children?
a. Verbal________
b. Spanking_________
c. Withholding privileges__________
d. Other (describe)_____________________________________________________
IV. Education
A. Indicate the highest level of your education at the time of this survey.
1. High school___________
2. Trade school or vocational school_____________
3. College_________ Graduated?_________
4. Masters_______________
5. Ph.D. or equivalent ____________
B. Which of the following characterizes your pre-college education?
1. Public schools____________
2. Private schools______________
3. Home schooled______________
C. How do you plan to or did educate your children?
1. Public schools_________________
2. Private schools________________
3. Home school__________________
4. Explain the reason for your choice_________________________________________
5. Have you considered home schooling for your children?_________________________
V. Religion
A. What is your religion?
1. Christian_______________ Denomination or sect____________________________
2. Muslim________________ Denomination or sect____________________________
3. Hindu_________________ Denomination or sect_____________________________
4. Other (explain)________________________________________________________
B. How often do you attend your church or place of faith?___________________________
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VI. General Questions
A. Gun Control
1. Do you believe that American citizens should be able to own guns? Yes_______ No_______
2. Do you believe that American citizens should be able to carry guns?
Yes________No_______
3. Which of the following effects do you believe will happen if Americans are allowed to
carry concealed weapons?
a.) Increase crime_______________
b.) Decrease crime______________
c.) Will not make any difference______________
4. Do you think that criminals will still be able to get guns if they want them even if
they are outlawed completely? Yes_______No_______
B. People Control
1. Suppose that it were possible to put a tag or very small device on something so that
its location could be determined within about a 100 feet or so any where on the face of
the earth when ever desired by the Global Positioning System (GPS). Which of the following
items would you use it on?
a. Yourself____________
b.Your spouse_________
c. Your children__________
d.Your car or any other valuable item___________
e. Your pets____________
2. What are your beliefs concerning the Democratic and Republican parties?
a. They have radically different views of governing this country______
b. They are essentially the same, but attempt to indicate that they are different from
false rhetoric___
c. They are different parties, but are controlled by the same outside sources_________
d. Would you favor the formation of a third or even a fourth party in the next
election?____________
3. Do you believe that children should be allowed to pray in schools? Yes_______No_______
4. Do you believe that prayer or other Biblical studies are against the separation of
church and state laws of our country? Yes________No________
5. Do you believe that abortion should be legalized? Yes_________No_________.
a. Which do you think would be the best ways to reduce teenage pregnancies in this
country?
1.) Free condoms__________
2.) Other free methods of birth control___________
3.) More sex education in school________________
4.) Teaching of Biblical morals_________________
5). Other (Explain)__________________________________________________
6. Do you believe that euthanasia (mercy killing) should be legalized?
Yes________No__________
7. Are you concerned about keeping your job or your spouses job? Yes________No__________
8. Do you believe that it is becoming more difficult for people to make a decent living in
this country? Yes_______No_______
9. If you are living in this country, but are originally from another country, and your
native language is different than English, what are your opinions on these questions?
a. It is important to be able to learn to speak English well Yes_______ No_______
b. Does not matter if you learn to speak English well Yes_______ No_______
c. Would insist that your children learn English as their native language Yes______
No______
d. Would insist that your children also learn your native language Yes_______ No________
e. Would not insist that your children learn your native language Yes_______ No________
f. What was the most difficult thing for you to do to adjust to this country when you
first came here? ____________________________________________________
g. What is the most difficult thing for you to now deal with in this
country?__________________________________________________________
h. Do you feel that you can have a better standard and way of living in this country than
you could from the country that you came from?_____________________ I. What was the main
reason that you immigrated to this country?___________________________
________________________________
10. Do you believe that the people in this country are slowly loosing their freedom?
Yes_____No_____
11. Do you believe that the U. S. is on the verge of loosing its freedom?
Yes_______No_______
12. How do you feel about the following events?
a. The governments actions in the killings at Ruby Ridge,
Idaho_____________________________________________________________
b. The Waco, Texas massacre?___________________________________________
c. Do you think that the government could have prevented the bombing in Oklahoma City in
April of 1995?________________________________________________
1.) Do you think that Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols were the only ones to blame for
this bombing?__________________
2.) Do you think that the government had anything to do with the bombing?________________
13. Are you afraid to walk in your neighborhood at night?___________________________
14. Questions on homosexuality.
a. Do you believe that homosexuals should be allowed to teach in our public schools?
Yes______No_______
b. Do you think that homosexuals should have special laws passed on their behalf?
Yes______No_______
c. Do you believe that homosexuality is genetic?______________ or self
inflicted?_________________
d. Do you believe that homosexuals should be allowed in the military? Yes_______No_______
e. Do you believe that homosexuals should be allowed to serve as a priest or minister in a
church? Yes____No____.
f. Do you consider homosexuality an alternate life style? Yes________No________
g. Do you believe that homosexuality should be taught in our schools as an alternate
lifestyle? Yes_____No_____.
h. Do you consider homosexuality a perversion? Yes________No________
15. Do you think that the American people pay too much taxes to our government?
Yes________No________
16. Do you think that the government is becoming too intrusive into our lives?
Yes_______No________
17. Do you support castration for convicted sex offenders? Yes_________ No_________.
18. Do you believe that the women's liberation movement has helped society?
Yes____No_____.
19. Do you believe the news media has been influential in shaping America's sexual
attitudes? Yes____ No____
20. Do you believe that the government should give aid to the unemployed? Yes______
No______.
21. Do you favor government aid only for the aged and handicapped? Yes_____ No_____.
22. Do you favor the death penalty? Yes_____ No_____.
23. Do you favor the luxuries of T.V., exercise rooms and facilities, air conditioning,
etc. in jails and prisons? Yes_____ No_____.
24. Do you favor flogging or similar punishment as a useful prevention for youthful
offenders? Yes_____ No______.
25. Do you favor the amputation of a persons hand for stealing or theft? Yes_____ No_____.
26. Do you favor hard labor for jail and prison inmates? Yes_____ No_____.
27. Do you believe that minorities still face discrimination? Yes_____ No______.
28. Do you believe in affirmative action practices, where minorities are given
preferences? Yes_____ No_____.
29. Do you believe that women are treated fairly in this country? Yes(in most cases)_____
No(in most cases)_____.
VII. Abortion
1. Are you aware that the genetic code of the mother and her baby are different from each
other, and unique only to themselves? Yes________ No________.
2. Do you believe that life is formed at conception? Yes________ No________.
3. Do you believe that a woman should have complete
freedom to do whatever she desires with her body? Yes_____ No______.
4. Do you believe that abortion is a violation of God's laws? Yes______ No______.
5. Are you aware of the videotape that shows a baby in its mother's womb recoiling in pain
with a distinct expression of fear on its face during an abortion procedure? Yes______
No______.
6. Do you support abortion in the case of incest or rape? Yes_____ No______.
7. Do you support partial birth abortion? Yes_______ No________.22. Home: How many people
live in your home with you?_____________________________
a. Do you rent? Yes______ No_______.
b. Do you live in a house that you have bought? Yes_______ No_______.
c. Do parents or relatives live with you? Yes______ No_______.
23. Do you have elderly parents or relatives? _________ If so then how do you care for
them?
a. At home____________
b. Nursing home___________
c. Other_________________________________________________________
Explain______________________________________________________________
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There are a number of reasons why this subject has been chosen. First, this investigator
is a fundamentalist Christian immigrant from the state of Kerala in southern India. He was
born and raised with these people, and knows their beliefs and customs well. He has also
experienced the disruption in ones life that accompanies the immigration to another
country, and the enormous amount of change that must take place in ones life in making
that transformation into becoming an American citizen, and adapting to a radically
different culture. He has also served as a Christian counselor with his people for more
than 25 years. Therefore, he is well aware of the needs of his people that have or are in
the process of making this transition. Furthermore, he is aware that no one has ever made
an attempt to study his people, and address some of the unique problems that they face in
changing to a new way of life, and yet holding on to the most important fundamental
beliefs that they hold so dear to their way of life. This researcher has also recognized
that there is presently a rare opportunity to make a statistically important study on a
comparatively homogenous group of people that have come from a unique place in the world.
The Houston and to a lesser degree Dallas areas have a very high portion of the immigrants
from the state of Kerala in India. They are all facing the same problems in adapting to a
new world and culture, and way of life. Therefore, he believes that he is in a unique
position to be able to study these people in a potentially important way that could be
beneficial not only to his people, but hopefully to many other types of immigrants that
will come to this country in the future.
After the questionnaire was completed, the idea was then to distribute the survey to as
many target people as possible. 2,000 copies of the survey were made, and distributed to
adults primarily in the Houston and Dallas communities. Approximately 90% of the surveys
were given out to just Indians. It is important to remember that there are only about
5,000 Christian Indian families in the entire state of Texas. The vast majority of them
live in the Houston, and to a lesser extent in the Dallas area. Thus, the intent was to
survey as many of these target people as possible. Therefore, this was a serious effort to
poll the of the Christian Indian immigrant population in the state of Texas. The survey
was also given out to other individuals of other races, as well as immigrants from other
countries so as not to discriminate against them. The other racial groups also provided at
least a preliminary contrasting view to the southern Indian survey group. However, the
real thrust of this project was to survey the social patterns of Indian immigrants,
especially from the state of Kerala, and more specifically those that are Christian Indian
immigrants. Since there was a very specific group that was targeted for this survey the
questionnaires could not be just handed out at random. For that reason the questionnaires
were passed out at carefully controlled locations where there was going to be a very high
concentration of Indian immigrants. These types of settings included churches, Christian
conferences, work places, various types of social meetings or gatherings, and to family,
friends and neighbors.
A little better than one fourth of the surveys (27.4%) or 765 of those that were passed
out were returned for this survey. Of this sample population, 237 were from Keralian
Christians, and 312 were from other Indians, 110caucasians, 63 negros, and 43 hispanics.
These results are illustrated in Figure 3.1. A larger statistical population would have
been more desirable, but there was a high return on the number of surveys that were passed
out. Furthermore, this is the largest selective social survey, of not just of Indian
immigrants, but especially of Keralian Indian immigrants that has ever been taken not in
just the state of Texas, but in this country.
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This data was then compiled, and the answers to the
questions in the questionnaire were collected into their respective categories. No special
statistical analysis were conducted since the numbers and their meaning were obvious in
most cases. This information will be used throughout the dissertation in providing
quantative support to various topics that will be discussed later this research project.
The data can in many cases be just presented as numerical or percentage findings to
particular topics of discussions. In other cases, the data is presented in anyone of
several different types of graphs that can be used to illustrate the meaning of the
numbers more easily. This quantative information provides a more convincing source of
information to confirm various statements and points of view that will be made in this
study.
One possible problem that could have arisen in this survey is that a person may have
received and filled out more than one questionnaire or that both spouses of a survey may
have filled out the questionnaire and sent it in. Such an act would result in
unintentional duplicity of information, and would corrupt the statical significance of the
data pool. This potential flaw was avoided by the "General Information"
questions which began the survey. In that section there was enough information to check
and be sure that two people could not have separately filled out and sent in
questionnaires. If that had happened, one of them could have been eliminated.
The number of returned surveys, and from whom they were from are illustrated in Figure
3.1. Over 2,000 copies of the survey were handed out to people to fill out, and 765 people
returned them. The vast majority of those that received and returned the survey were
Indians. Figure 3.1 shows that 312 of them were Hindus and 237 were Keralian Christians.
Other racial groups also received the survey and filled it out. They are lumped together
in Figure 3.1 as Americans, and are listed as U.S.A. The total number of responses from
the other racial groups was 237, with 110 from Caucasians, 63 from African Americans, and
43 from Hispanics. The number of responses from other racial groups is far to small to be
statically significant, and this information will not be used further in this search. On
the other hand the data for the Indians, and especially for the Keralian Christians is a
very impressive number since it represents about 8% of those families that live in Texas.
This is also the main focus of this research project.
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CHAPTER IV
FINDINGS AND ANALYSIS
GENERAL INTRODUCTION
The analysis of the survey would be divided into three segments 1.) Marriage 2.) Divorce
3.) Family. Since the study focuses on Indian immigrants from the state of Kerala, it
would be pertinent to furnish a current status of the Keralian Christians (Malayalees) who
reside in this country. Most Malayalees live in urban centers because they can find
suitable jobs in big cities. Only a few professionals such as doctors, nurses and
businessmen live in rural communities. Malayalees in this country are concentrated in New
York City, Chicago, Philadelphia, Detroit, Houston, Dallas, Denver, Miami and Los Angeles.
Approximately 40,000 Malayalee families reside in this country. There are about 1800 Hindu
Malayalee families (September 1997). There are about 700 Plymouth Brethren Malayalee
families in the United States. About 10 of these families have divorced. Out of 1800 Hindu
families about 27 families have divorced.
MARRIAGE
Introduction
Marriage is a universal institution that has existed almost as long as civilization
itself. It is a union of a man and woman in a special kind of co-dependence for the
purpose of creating and maintaining a family. This union is regulated by society. It's
laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes prescribe the rights and duties of the man
and woman. The importance that society places upon this institution is often revealed by
the complex and elaborate customs and rituals that accompany the marriage ceremony.
Marriage meets a range of important needs in society from supplying a sanctioned framework
for sexual activity to providing status to the couple's children. Through society,
emphasis is placed on care of the children, their education, and their acceptance in the
world. Furthermore, it regulates lines of descent, helps to clarify division of labor
between the sexes, and of course satisfies personal needs for affection, status, and
companionship. One of its most important functions is to lay the foundation for the
family. Marriage provides the necessary framework by which a couple can successfully rear
their children, which of course, requires an enormous amount of involvement and
cooperation from both parents. Thus, marriage has a vital role in enhancing the
procreation of human beings and the preservation of their societies.
Marriage is, by some definitions, a legally sanctioned union between a man and a woman.
Thus, it is viewed as a contract subject to law. In virtually every society the main legal
function of marriage involves the couple's children. It ensures their individual rights as
well as entitles them to the right of inheritance. Marriage also defines the children's
relationships within the community, and may even determine which prospective spouses are
acceptable for them.
Most societies have rules governing the marriage of family members to each other. There is
usually a prohibition against incest (sexual relations with a close family member).
However, the definition of "close relations" may vary among societies. Although,
sexual relations or marriage between a mother and a son or between a father and a daughter
are universally regarded as taboo and prohibited. Endogamy, which is the practice of
marrying another person from within one's own tribe or group, is one of the oldest social
regulations of marriage. In fact, cultural pressures for a person to marry from within
their social, economic, and racial group are still very strongly enforced today in many
cultures. Exogamy, on the other hand, is the practice of marrying outside the group. It is
found in some societies that for one reason or another there is a desire to prevent the
marriage of persons who may have a common ancestor. Both of these practices have been
portrayed throughout the history of the Old Testament.
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ARRANGED
AND UNARRANGED MARRIAGES
Most Occidentals regard the mutual attraction of two
people, which often leads to mutual love for each other, as to be the governing force that
leads a couple to marriage. Thus, in many western cultures the natural progression of
events seems to be marriage, sex, and then love. However, in today's modern western
culture, this formula seems to be transforming into sex, living together, and may possibly
lead to marriage. Love has changed to lust. It is certainly becoming more difficult to
find anyone in the U.S. that adheres to the traditional standards anymore.
Until modern times, marriage was rarely a matter of free choice. This is clearly revealed
throughout the Old Testament in many places. In many societies today, marriages are still
prearranged and carefully regulated. This has already been noted as true of many societies
found in India. In fact, Keralian Christians follow a modified form of that practice. In
many eastern cultures the order of ones adult life is marriage, sex, and love. It would be
instructive to consider this subject in more detail in order to better understand the
meaning of the survey results.
Conservative Christian Indian families regard arranged marriages as an important factor in
providing much of the stability of their marriage system. These feelings are not based
upon just obscure traditions whose meaning has been lost with time. Instead there is a
credible amount of information that supports that position. From a historical perspective,
arranged marriages originated from eastern cultures that go back to the most ancient of
Biblical times. India has an eastern culture. Therefore, the traditions of arranged
marriages have been part of their culture for thousands of years and this practice has
been throughly ingrained into the lives of these people. Indeed, most of the entire Indian
community believes that parental involvement is very important in choosing ones spouse.
Even at the present time, the vast majority of weddings of the children of Indian descent
are conducted with the permission and direct involvement of their parents.
Some of these views are not easy for many westerners to understand and accept, partly
because it is so alien to their society, and perhaps because the idea of romantic love is
sometimes considered to be a western phenomenon. In the west, the dating process is mainly
used as the mechanism to allow single people of the opposite sex to get to know each other
more personally, which will presumably allow them to find a more suitable mate. However,
in the Bible, "love" is usually not shown to be a prime factor for a couple to
have before they marry. There also seems to be a historical factor involved here. Prior to
the industrial revolution, American society was very different than it is today, and in
many ways it had some important similarities to that found in Biblical times.
Dating did not become widespread in America until after World War I. The reasons for this
are not obvious. It seems that the "industrial revolution" had a profound effect
on American society and social relationships, which included marriage and the family.
Prior to the industrial revolution, most men worked in or around the home. The industrial
revolution formed factories, and soon men worked away from the home. Suddenly fathers
became absent from their home for most of the day, and as a result they became less
involved in the lives of their children. During the two great world wars many women joined
the labor force and began to strive for more independence. In 1920, women were allowed to
vote. Soon, it became apparent that individual values were regarded as being more
important than family values. From this perspective, it becomes more obvious that the
cultural values and marriage systems between the U.S. and India were much more similar to
each other before 1920 than they are today.
Stephen A. Grunlan has recognized three social factors that have played an important role
in shaping the present social structure of the American family.1 First, there was
urbanization. Industrialization and its resulting factories required large numbers of
workers to be concentrated in comparatively small areas. It became highly advantageous for
these people to live near their source of employment. The resulting urbanization brought
many young people together and exposed them to a large group of potential mates.
Coeducational school systems that evolved from this relationship also fostered increased
contact between sexes. Secondly, there was increased free time. Child-labor laws and
compulsory education increased the amount of free time for many young people. Eventually,
various types of entertainment centers enhanced this process by attracting even more young
people to congregate and meet others in structured activities. However, the third factor
was perhaps the most important. It was the automobile. This provided the mobility to
engage in a variety of recreational activities, as well as a place of privacy. Soon, many
dating activities were centered around the automobile; such as the drive-in theaters,
carhop restaurants, and car racing. There was also the enviable status symbol of just
having the neatest, loudest, and fastest machine on the street. Thus, modernization has
changed peoples standards of living, but it has also critically effected the social
structure of our civilization as well.
PROS AND CONS OF FREE DATING AND ARRANGED MARRIAGES
The western view may consider the practice of complete free choice in dating and picking
one's own mate as the only system that could possibly make sense. However, in the opinion
of many easterners, including a large majority of Keralian Christians, there are some
significant drawbacks for a person in selecting their mates through the dating process.
Perhaps one of the most obvious drawbacks from this point of view is the natural tendency
to be deceptively drawn to physical attractiveness. This is particularly the case with
young people. Usually, the first thing that attracts a young person to another is their
physical appearance. The American culture places an extraordinary heavy emphasis on
physical attractiveness. Numerous studies have shown that people who have been considered
physically attractive often receive preferential or more favorable treatment2. It is true
that physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Even professionals can be blind toward
physically attractive people. A study found that "clinicians were more likely to find
unattractive persons mentally disturbed than attractive persons exhibiting the same
behaviour."3 Physically attractive people are also seen as possessing more socially
desirable traits than less attractive persons. It is easy to see why physical
attractiveness is such an important aspect of inter-personal attraction. However, it is
truly a very superficial method by which to judge another person. Furthermore, such beauty
will fade with time or could be suddenly destroyed by an accident. Thus, physical beauty
alone becomes a potentially dangerous external condition when it blinds another person
from seeing the real individual beneath that facade.
Physical Attractiveness
In contrast to the view just expressed, when parents are involved in the process of mate
selection a very different set of standards are used to select the future spouse for their
children. Parents are more inclined to inquire about the background of the spouse's
family, how the children were raised, their social and family status, and their
compatibility in many other areas. Indian Hindus would also arrange their children's
marriages according to caste, subcaste and horoscope information. For them, it is not just
the union between two people, but an alliance between families in a way that is similar to
the marriages between ancient royalty. Christian youth usually have more freedoms in
choosing their mate, but the parents look for many of the same characteristics, especially
with regards to the same type of Christian background for their children.
The Bible provides some very instructive examples about judging people by their physical
appearance alone. For instance, the prophet Samuel fell prey to attributing a physically
attractive person to what he perceived as a socially important position. It is instructive
to remember that God sent Samuel to Bethlehem to the home of Jesse to anoint a king to
replace Saul. When Samuel saw Jesse's oldest son, Eliab, who was tall and good looking, he
thought..."Surely the Lord's anointed stands here before the LORD(NIV)" But the
LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have
rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward
appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."(NIV)Sam 16:6-7. The same principle is
also found in the New Testament. Peter advises Christian wives, "Your beauty should
not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and
fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (NIV)1 Pet 3:3-4.
The lessons in the Bible teach us to be careful not to be fooled by superficial
appearances, but rather be concerned more with inner qualities. It is proper to be well
groomed and dress attractively, but our emphasis should be on developing our inner
qualities (Gala:5:22 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). These lessons also teach
us that we need to be careful not to judge people by their appearance, but rather by their
entirety (James 2:1-12 - "…Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those
who are poor in the eys of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he
promised those who love him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich exploiting
you?…If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as
yourself, " you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are
convicted by the law as lawbreakers…").
In India, the entire family is often involved in selecting a mate for their children, and
each person is looking for different things. There is an ancient book of proverbs written
in Sanskrit by the early Aryans. (The following is brief background information on Aryans)
"The Aryans are said to have entered India through the fabled Khyber pass, around
1500 BC. They intermingled with the local populace, and assimilated themselves into the
social framework. They adopted the settled agricultural lifestyle of their predecessors,
and established small agrarian communities across the state of Punjab.
The Aryans are believed to have brought with them the horse, developed the Sanskrit
language and made significant inroads in to the religion of the times. All three factors
were to play a fundamental role in the shaping of Indian culture. Cavalry warfare
facilitated the rapid spread of Aryan culture across North India, and allowed the
emergence of large empires.
Sanskrit is the basis and the unifying factor of the vast majority of Indian languages.
The religion, that took root during the Vedic era, with its rich pantheon of Gods and
Goddesses, and its storehouse of myths and legends, became the foundation of the Hindu
religion, arguably the single most important common denominator of Indian culture. The
Aryans did not have a script, but they developed a rich tradition. They composed the hymns
of the four Vedas, the great philosophic poems that are at the heart of Hindu thought. As
the Nobel Laureate, Rabindranath Tagore expressed it, "The hymns are a poetic
testament of a people's collective reaction to the wonder and awe of existence...A people
of vigorous and unsophisticated imagination awakened at the very dawn of civilization to a
sense of inexhaustible mystery that is implicit in life."
A settled lifestyle brought in its wake more complex forms of government and social
patterns. This period saw the evolution of the caste system, and the emergence of kingdoms
and republics. The events described in the two great Indian epics, the Ramayana and the
Mahabharata, are thought to have occurred around this period. (1000 to 800 BC).
The Aryans were divided into tribes which had settled in different regions of northwestern
India. Tribal chiefmanship gradually became hereditary, though the chief usually operated
with the help of advice from either a committee or the entire tribe. With work
specialization, the internal division of the Aryan society developed along caste lines.
Their social framework was composed mainly of the following groups: the Brahmana
(priests), Kshatriya (warriors), Vaishya (agriculturists) and Shudra (workers). It was, in
the beginning, a division of occupations; as such it was open and flexible. Much later,
caste status and the corresponding occupation came to depend on birth, and change from one
caste or occupation to another became far more difficult."
One of the ancient Aryan books states the different views among family members while
searching for a bridegroom for a female member of the family. "For matrimony the
fathers seek wisemen, mothers the wealthy, relatives good family heritage, but girls look
for handsome men".4 Such wisdom illustrates that if young people are left on their
own for choosing their mate it would most likely be based upon outward appearances alone.
Recent history has confirmed this trend. After dating, courting and studying each other
closely from intimate relationships most marriages still fail in this country. It seems
that what many have called romantic love has not been anything more than ephemeral
infatuation. Unfortunately, the young and even those that are more mature do not seem to
be able to discern the difference under such conditions. Furthermore, much of the modern
day dating has led to premarital sex in this country. This is a violation of God's law.
The Bible does not permit sexual intercourse before marriage (1Cor.6:9-10; 7:1-9;
Gala.5-19). 1 Corinthians 6;9-10. " Do you not know that the unrighteous will not
inherit the kingdom of God? . Do not be deceived . Neither fornicators,nor idolaters,nor
adulterers,nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves,nor covetous, nor drunkards,nor
revilers,nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. "(NKJV).
The subject of premarital sex needs to be discussed in more detail at this point in the
comparative analysis of these two systems. From a Scriptural point of view premarital sex
was absolutely prohibited and severe degrees of punishment, including the death penalty,
were used to enforce that view (Ex.22:16-17 - If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged
to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife.
If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for
virgins; Lev.19:20-22 - If a man sleeps with a woman who is a slave girl promised to
another man but who has not been ransomed or given her freedom, there must be due
punishment. Yet they are not to be put to death, because she had not been freed. The man,
however must bring a ram to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting for a guilt offering to
the Lord; With the ram of guilt offering the priest is to make atonement for him before
the Lord for the sin he has committed, and his sin will be forgiven; Deut.22:13-29 -
"If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her and slader her and
gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did
not find proof of her virginity,"…"if, however, the charge is ture and no
proof of the gir'ls virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her
father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death."…). The
apostle Paul also addressed the issue of premarital sex and chastity in 1Cor.6:12-20 - The
body is not meat for sexual imorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his
power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that
your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and
unite them with a prostitute? Never!"…; 1 Corinthians 7:1- "Now concerning
the things whereof ye worte unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman…I say
therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if
they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."
Premarital sex has been a social issue for many
years. However, coitus before marriage was actually quite low in the American society
prior to World War I, but after that time it has become epidemic.5 The cause for this
radical change is open to debate, but many people believe that the liberal media have
played a major role in shaping the opinions of the public on these matters. One needs only
to see the material presented in movies, TV sitcoms and most other programs including talk
shows. The glamorization that athletes and other celebrities receive on the news programs,
when it is discovered that they had been involved in extramarital sexual relationships,
proves that society now regards this as normal behavior. The same trend is also seen in
most other forms of mass media. The target groups in this research project were polled in
number 19 of the general questions as to whether or not they believed that the "news
media has been influential in shaping America's sexual attitudes." Their response was
overwhelming. Of the 525 Indians polled, both Christian and non Christian, 482 or 91.8%
said that they felt that the major media had been influential in shaping America's sexual
attitudes. Only 43 or 8.2% did not feel that there was any influence on that matter.
Another factor that is believed to have enhanced the precipitous decline in American
attitudes toward the sanctity of sex is the emergence of modern methods of contraception,
primarily the "pill". It has relieved the fear of an unwanted pregnancy, as well
as superficially removing much of the responsibility of those actions. Today our
educational system passes out free condoms to students and even teaches them how they
work. As adults, we are forced to pay for enhancing that perversion with our tax dollars.
The Occidental societies have also devised a new type of quasi-marriage system. Sometimes
known as a common law marriage or "live in" situation, a couple just begins to
live with each other and after a certain period of months is officially recognized by the
state as being married. The idea is for a couple to get to know each other and see if they
really are compatible before they decide to officially get married. It is meant to be a
trial marriage with no lasting commitments or responsibilities. Presumably, this would
allow both individuals the opportunity make a better decision in choosing their mates.
This concept of a trial marriage may seem to have a type of logic behind it, but it is
sadly lacking any supporting facts. Many studies over the years have shown that the
divorce rate for those couples that have cohabitated was as great as for those couples
that had not followed that practice.6 In fact, some of those same studies have shown that
those that have tried "trial marriages" had more problems with alcohol, drugs,
and moral infidelity.7 In summary, premarital sex can result in unwanted pregnancies, as
well as contracting any one of a combination of many types of venereal diseases, some of
which have no known cure, and some such as AIDS can be 100% fatal. Furthermore, premarital
intercourse is called fornication in the Scriptures and is regarded as sin. There are many
places in the Bible that indicate that those that practice fornication will not inherit
the kingdom of heaven and should be condemned to death (1Cor.6:9-10; Gal.5:19-20;
Rev.22:14-15; Mal.3:5). From this perspective, the Keralian Christian sees no reason to
follow a system that has proven itself to be such a colossal failure as the liberal
western system of choosing a mate.
Much has been said to condemn the Occidental system of choosing a mate for marriage.
However, that does not mean that the eastern practice of involving the entire family, and
especially the parents, in choosing ones mate does not have some problems of its own.
There is certainly a restricted amount of opportunity for an individual to find a suitable
mate in the eastern system, simply because young singles do not have the opportunity not
just to meet and mingle with as many people as they would in the western system. The
Keralian Christians have tried hard to over come that limitation. One method that is used
is to make concerted efforts to attend large Christian conferences where hundreds and even
thousands of other Christian Indians will come from all over the country to attend. In
that way their children will have a better opportunity to meet others of their religious
faith as well as their race.
Perhaps the area that is most subject to controversy in the eastern system of choosing a
mate for children has to do with the passive role of women in this procedure. It is the
females' parents that approach the males' parents. Keralian Christians practice a more
liberal form of this system than some of the other Indian groups. The children have the
final say in choosing their mate. If they do not like the selection presented to them,
they can refuse the offer. However, there is one area of contention in this system. Males
are given a portion of their families inheritance such as land, a home, business, etc.,
but women do not receive any such inheritance. Instead they are given what has become
known as a "dowry", which is usually a sum of money intended to be
representative of the family's wealth. The dowry goes to the grooms family. Naturally, the
larger the dowry the more desirable the bride is from just a financial point of view. Some
well known TV news programs, such as "60 Minutes", have had special episodes on
Indian women that have been badly abused and even murdered because their dowry's were not
considered sufficient by the grooms family. It is reasonable to assume that such societies
would also place a greater desire to have sons rather than daughters. The dowry can be a
very destabilizing element in a family. Suppose for instance that a poor couple had a
number of children, and most of them were females. They may only have just enough money to
live on. How then could they ever hope to build a dowry for each of their daughters so
that they would have any likely chance of becoming married? In many cases it is not
possible. When that happens there are other options. Often, the entire family does what it
can to come up with a sufficient dowry for its female members. If that is not possible the
women may have to resign themselves to the possibility that they may remain single their
entire lives. Others might marry, but into a lower caste or into a lower social system
that they were brought up in.
This introduction and discussion of the different systems by which singles choose their
mates in the east and the west shows that there is no perfect system in existence today.
However, people do have some very strong views on the matter. The target Indian population
in Texas was polled on this matter from a number of questions that were present in the
questionnaire, and their views have been clearly made known. The results from that poll
are given in the next section.
The total quantitative results of the survey are presented in this section. Both the
questions and the answers have been presented together so as to make the results more
comprehensive.
Research Demographics
Numerical Responses to Questions in Survey
Legend
KC=Keralian
Christian = 237
H=Hindu = 312
C=Caucasian = 110
B=Black = 63
H=Hispanic = 43
SG=Kerela Christian-2nd Generation = 31
Total = 765
Total Surveys passed out =2,000. Return Rate = 38.25%.
I. General Information
A. Name__________________________________________________________________
B. Address (Optional)__________________________________________________________
C. Date this survey was taken________________________________________
E. Age ___________
F. Race
1. Caucasian_110______ 4. Hispanic_43______
2. Afro-American_63_________ 5. Oriental _________
3. Indian (Asian)__________ 6. Other __________
G. What is your profession?___________________________________________________
1. What is your spouse's profession?(if applicable)_____________________________
II. Nationality
1. Were you born in the U.S.? Yes_________ No_________
a. If not the U.S. then where were you born?________________________
2. Are you a citizen of the U.S.? Yes___________ No___________
a. If not a citizen, then what country are you a citizen of?_____________________
c. What was your age at the time of immigration?___________________
3. Are all the members in your family living with you citizens of the U.S.? Yes_______
No_______.
a. If the answer is no then please explain, with numbers of aliens, and the country that
they are from.__________________________________________________
III. Family
1. Your Sex__________
2. Single___________
3. Do you have any hobbies? Yes_______ No________
a. Examples of hobbies?__________________________________________________
4. Do you believe in invitro fertilization (test tube babies)? Yes_____ No_
Total 524 KC+H responses = 238 yes, 45.41%; 286 NO 54.59%
Total 228 KC responses = 20yes, 8.77% ; 208 NO 91.23%
Total 296 H responses = 218 yes, 73.64%; 78 NO 26.36 %
5. Married__________
a. Children________
1.) Number of boys___________
2.) Number of girls___________
b. Do you have any problems with any of your children in the following areas? Check if
yes.
1.) Discipline___ None_____ Explain__________________________________
2.) School_______None_____Explain__________________________________
3.) The law______None_____Explain__________________________________
4.) Drugs________None____ Explain_________________________________
5.) Other__________________Explain_________________________________
c. Do you favor a strong bond with all the family members? Yes_____ No______.
Total 521 KC+H responses= 510 Yes,
97.88%; 11 No, 2.1%
Total 209 KC responses= 205 Yes, 98.08%; 4 No, 1.9%
Total 312 H responses= 305 Yes, 97.75%; 7 No, 2.24%.
Total 29 SG responses= 25 Yes, 80.64%; 4 No, 12.90%
d. Do you believe that a strong family connection
will discourage divorce? Yes_____ No______.
Total 477 KC+H responses 465 Yes,
97.50%; 11 No, 2.50%
Total 184 KC responses= 180 Yes, 97.80%; 4 No, 2.20%
Total 293 H responses= 285 Yes, 97.30%; 8 No, 2.70%
Total 29 SG responses= 25 Yes, 86.20%; 4 No, 13.80%
e. Do you believe that learning as much as possible
about each other before marriage would help to insure the stability of a marriage?
Yes_____ No_____.
e. Do you believe that learning as much as possible about each other before marriage
would help to insure the stability of a marriage? Yes_____ No_____
Total 485 KC+H responses= 337 Yes,
69.48%; 148 No, 30.51%
Total 225 KC responses= 180 Yes, 80.00%; 45 No, 20.00%
Total 260 H responses = 157 Yes, 60.38%; 103 No, 39.61%
Total 30 SG responses= 30 Yes, 100.00%; 0 No, 0.00%
f. Do you support divorce on the grounds of
incompatibility? Yes______ No______.
Total 511 KC+H responses= 18
Yes, 3.50%; 493 No, 96.50%
Total 210 KC responses= 4 Yes, 1.90%; 206 No, 98.90%
Total 301 H responses= 14 Yes, 4.65%; 287 No, 95.34%
Total 28 SG responses= 4 Yes , 14.29%; 24 No, 85.71 %
g. Do you believe in keeping a marriage together for the sake of the children?
Yes_____ No_____
Total 490 KC+H responses= 363 Yes,
74.80%; 127 No, 25.92%
Total 183 KC responses= 160 Yes, 87.43%; 23 No, 12.57%
Total 307 H responses= 203 Yes, 66.12%; 104 No, 33.88%
Total 29 SG responses= 11 Yes, 37.93%; 18 No, 62.07%
h. What do you think is the most important thing required in producing a good and lasting
marriage? ______________________________________________________
Trust in God = KC 188 H = 96
Love = KC 202 H= 294
Sacrifice = KC 108 H- 202
6. Home: How many people live in your home with you?
a. Do you rent? Yes 21 No_______.
b. Do you live in a house that you have bought? Yes 520 No______ c. Do parents or
relatives live with you? Yes 42 No_______.
7. Do you have elderly parents or relatives?223 If so then how do you care for them?
a. At home 223
b. Nursing home 0
. Other____________ Explain___________________________________________
8. Divorced 2
a. How many times married?________________
b. Do you have children of more than one marriage living in your family? Yes or No____
Explain if yes __________None_________________________________
c. Do you have any problems with any of your children in the following areas? Check if
yes.
1.) Discipline___0_____ Explain______________________________________
2.) School_____0_____Explain_______________________________________
3.) The law____0____ _Explain_______________________________________
4.) Drugs______0______Explain______________________________________
5.) Other_____________Explain______________________________________
d. What do you think is the most important thing that is breaking up marriages in this
country today? __________________________________________________
Money & Sex KC = 228 H= 286
e. Are you concerned about the high divorce rate in
this country? Yes_______ No________.
KC =232 H= 304
f. Circle the answer that you think causes the most problems in a marriage. a.) money
b.) sex c.) in-laws
a) KC = 156 H= 183
b) KC= 47 H= 60
c) KC= 14 H= 67
g. What do you think is the most important thing
required in producing a good and lasting marriage?
The rest of these question are to be answered by everyone
9. Do you prefer arranged marriages for yourself? Yes______ No______, for your children?
Yes______ No______.
Total 527 KC+H responses = 382 yes,
72.48%; 145 No, 27.52%
Total 222 KC responses = 180 yes, 81.08%; 42 No, 18.92%
Total 305 H responses = 202 yes, 67.21%; 103 No, 32.79%
Total 31 SG responses = 3 yes, 9.67%; 28 No, 90.33%
10.Do you believe that the arranged marriages described in the Bible or any other sacred
book were due to the local culture that existed in that area at that time
Total 479 KC+ H responses = 401
yes, 83.71%; 78 No, 16.29%
Total 184 KC responses = 142 yes, 77.17%; 42 No, 22.83%
Total 295 H responses = 259 yes, 87.78%; 36 No, 12.21%
Total 31 SG responses = 28 yes, 90.31%; 3 No, 9.68%
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11. Do you believe that parents should have anything to say in the picking of partners for
their children's marriages? Yes_______ No_______.
Total 526 KC+H responses = 489 Yes,
92.96 %; 37 No, 7.04%
Total 219 KC responses = 205 Yes, 93.60 %; 14 No, 6.40%
Total 307 H responses = 284 Yes, 92.50 %; 23 No, 7.50%
Total 30 SG responses = 28 Yes, 93.33 %; 2 No, 6.67%
12. Do you believe that dating and courting are
proper? Yes_______ No_______.
Total 536 KC+H responses = 93 Yes,
17.35%; 470No, 82.65%
Total 228 KC responses = 32 Yes, 14.02%; 196No, 85.97%
Total 308 H responses = 61 Yes, 19.80%; 247No, 80.20%
Total 30 SG responses = 30 Yes, 100.00%; 0No, 0.00%
13. Do you believe that singles should indulge in
petting, necking, and other forms of physical contact before marriage? Yes_________
No_________.
Total 541 KC+H responses = 35 Yes, 6.46%; 506.No 93.54%
Total 232 KC responses = 2 Yes, 0. 86%; 230 No, 99.14% Total 309 H responses = 33 Yes,
10.67%; 276 No, 89.33% Total 25 SG responses = 2 Yes, 8 .00%; 23No, 92.00%
14. Do you believe that husband and wife should be
equal partners of authority in their home. Yes_____ No______.
Total 542 KC+H responses = 470 Yes,
86.71%; 72 No, 13.29%
Total 237 KC responses = 180 Yes, 75.94%; 57 No, 24.06%
Total 305 H responses = 290 Yes, 95.08%; 15 No, 4.92 %
Total l29 SG responses = 21 Yes, 72.41%; 8 No 27.59%
15. Do you believe that a husband and wife should
have separate checking accounts? Yes_____ No____
Total 541 KC+H responses = 19
Yes, 1.58%; 522 No, 98.42%
Total 239 KC responses = 7 Yes, 2.92%; 230 No, 97.08%
Total 304 H responses = 12 Yes, 3.94%; 292 No, 96.06%
Total 28 SG responses = 7 Yes, 25.00%; 21 No, 75.00%
16. Would you accept an inter-racial marriage in your
family? Yes_______ No_______
Total 546 KC+H responses = 213 Yes,
39.01%; 333 No, 60.99%
Total 232 KC responses = 90 Yes, 38.79%; 142 No, 61.21%
Total 314 H responses = 123 Yes, 39.17%; 191 No, 60.83%
Total 30 SG responses = 28 Yes, 93.33%; 2 No, 6.67% .
17. Do you believe that it is important to marry a person from the same background,
and faith as yours? Yes_______ No_______.
Total 525 KC+ H responses = 502 yes, 95.61%; 23 No,
4.39%
Total 222 KC responses = 220 yes, 99.09%; 2 No, 0.91%
Total 303 H responses = 282 yes, 93.06%; 21 No, 6.94%
Total 22 SG responses = 20 yes, 90.90% 2 No, 9.10%
18. Do you believe that it is sinful for a man and woman to live together before they are married? Yes______ No_______.
Total 535 SG+ H responses = 464
yes, 86.72%; 71 No, 13.28%
Total 226 KC responses = 223 yes, 98.67%; 3 No, 1.33%
Total 309 H responses = 241 yes, 77.99%; 68 No, 22.01%
Total 28 SG responses = 25 yes, 89.28%; 3 No, 10.72%
19. Do you think that money is an important factor in picking a mate? Yes_______ No_______.
Total 542 KC+ H responses = 35 Yes,
6.45%; 507 No, 93.55%
Total 233 KC responses = 13 Yes, 5.58%; 220 No, 94.42%
Total 309 H responses = 22 Yes, 7.12%; 287 No, 92.88%